in which i don't complain

I'm trying to have a new perspective. It's called, "why not me." I heard a powerful sermon last Sunday, and it's really helped me get through this week. Hopefully, it will be a lesson I learn for life, but it's so easy to fall back into old habits. The premise of the message is that we should be asking "Why NOT me?" instead of "Why me?" I have a lot going on right now... I have a rental house where both tenants are moving out, I have two vehicles that I need to sell and not a bite on either (one of which M. recently drove into a piece of construction equipment and now needs $1000 work of work), my basement is a laboratory for mold, and the whole work issue. I could complain; I could wallow; I could ask, "why me?" I could be a whiner. Instead, our pastor encouraged us to recognize that we know our final destination, so life's little bumps can we dealt with because we know the end of the story. It definitely hit a chord for me.

Correction

The correct lyric mentioned in my previous post is:
"This American dream may be poisonous."

Trapped in a glass tower

I know a lot of women complain about being trapped under a glass ceiling. And it's definitely true. Women are still underpaid. And I would argue that they are underpaid, despite working harder than most of their higher paid male counterparts. Apparently, there's just something about having a penis. But that is a discussion for another time.
What I'm frustrated with is being trapped in this glass tower. I mentioned before that I'm working full time and hating it. But what I hate more is this American culture that makes Materialism the highest religion and sucks you in despite your true convictions. I grew up in a home where we struggled to make ends meet on occasion and did without a lot of "things," but my mother was always there for us. She came to all of our recitals or sporting events and usually remembered to pick us up from various practices. We always ate a full family dinner, complete with salad, every night. I never did a load of laundry until I went to college. Now, she didn't do everything for us, we were responsible for cleaning our own rooms and various other duties around the house, but my mom was just always there for us. Growing up, I always knew that I would want to stay home with my kids, at least until they went to school.
So... what happened? Why am I sitting at this desk, in this nice office, attached to a breast pump, writing gobbly gook on the internet, looking out of my glass tower window, when I would much rather be at home, breastfeeding and being a mom?? There are many excuses I could make... N. wasn't exactly planned, we've had some plain bad luck, my husband is addicted to buying and selling cars, etc. But the bottom line is that we got ourselves into an impossible financial position. Granted, we're working on getting out, but I look back and wonder what the heck we were thinking with some of our decisions. I know hind sight is 20/20, but seriously, the pull of this materialist culture is STRONG. You have to guard against it so carefully. It's so easy to look around and see what other people have and develop a "need" complex. I NEED an SUV, I NEED a nice house, I NEED cable TV, I NEED cell phones, I NEED to go out to eat once or twice a week, the list could go on and on.
And then you think and you pray and you remember what people in third world countries survive on and you realize you need to slap yourself upside the head for being so ungrateful. We are so blessed in the country. It's just that mixed in with the blessing is a bit of a curse, if you don't keep on yourself. It reminds me of another of my favorite lyrics from an Over the Rhine song, "This American dream can be dangerous." It's so dangerous, I have to sit in this glass tower just to pay for it.

Confessions...

Well, Mego has inspired me, so here we go:
1)My house is covered in animal hair. Right after I vacuum, there is still animal hair lurking aound my house. Depending when in the vacuum cycle you step into my house will determine whether or not you see giant piles of animal hair collecting in the corners. For a couple weeks, our vacuum was broken and M. and I were using a broom to sweep out the house (all hard wood) and we would describe the amount of hair we swept by saying things like, "I swept a racoon out of the house," or "I swept two squirrels and a chipmunk out of the house."
2) I watch Sex in the City on TBS. I'm not sure I could have handled the HBO version, but I enjoy the "cleaned-up" version. Along these lines, I also watch way too many reruns of Friends episodes, many of which I have already seen multiple times.
3) I enjoy alcohol. Wine and beer. And sometimes I get carried away.
4) We don't go to church EVERY Sunday. Most Sunday's, but not all, and not always for good reasons.
5) I don't bathe my six month old daughter every day. More like every other day and when there is a giant poop explosion.
6) I let the dogs lick excess cereal, spit up, etc. off of my daughter's face and hands.
7) I am freakishly afraid of spiders. Once I screamed so loud, my throat hurt for days.
8) I swear on occasion, typically related to confession number 3... when the guard is down, it is DOWN.
9) I am way too self absorbed. I need to care more about other people.
10) My libido has completely changed since the baby. Now, he's begging me, instead of the other way around!

Attack of the killer mold

Mold is foul. It smells bad, makes my allergies go crazy, and just plain creeps me out. Apparently, word has spread among the spores that I'm a weak one and they all decided to attack. It begins with my basement. We started working on finishing part of the basement when I thought my MIL was going to be staying with us indefinitely. We only have 2 bedrooms and with a baby on the way, we needed more space. After getting the drywall up, we had a huge rainstorm, and, you got it, the basement leaked. It had leaked before in another area, but we fixed that problem. Now, it seemed like we created another one by putting tons of screws in the concrete to hold up the drywall. Well, you know how mold works. The drywall got wet and within a couple weeks, a spot of mold appeared. I knew that it would only be a matter of time, but now, a large corner of our basement is black with disgusting mold that makes me sneeze everytime I go down there.
Next, we went on the reunion with my friends from college and we had a basement room that reeked of mold. It was all over the exterior walls and trim. Sleeping near mold freaked me out even more.
Next, I opened a cleaned bottle of N's to find the lid totally corroded with mold!! How does that happen?? I threw it away. Not taking any chances there.
Next, I went to open the floss because I had eaten corn on the cob, and mold was growing inside the floss box! Granted, I don't floss all that often, but come on! That's weird!
Then, the final topper... I pulled out my breast pump Monday to pump at work and there was mold growing INSIDE THE SUCTION TUBES! I know only nice, Christian ladies read my website, so I won't write out what was going on in my head when I made this latest discovery. It was quite profane. Seriously, I know moisture collects inside the tubes, but mold?? What is going on here? I'll take any comments or suggestions!

Introductions...

So, I said a while back that I was going to do an introductory entry. I had actually already created one, but somehow lost it. I think it's just easier to put out some bullet points, so here we go:

Family: Married, One Girl Child, Three Hairy Children
Religion: Christian - going for the Blue Like Jazz Christian and not the Pat Robertson Christian
Hobbies: Exercise - though currently on hiatis, Reading, Road tripping, Camping
Work Status: currently working full time and hating every minute.
Granola Status: I'd put myself pretty close to the granola side, though I am not completely militant about it, like many can get. But just to give you a feel - I had an unmedicated birth with midwives, I intend to breastfeed through the first year, I plan on making my own babyfood, and I do demand feeding and cosleeping. However, I do work, though not because I want to, I do use disposable diapers, went with the regular vaccination schedule and I buy all the regular baby stuff from regular stores. If I had a million dollars, I would be a lot more granola, but organic everything is expensive!! So anyway, after reviewing all that, maybe I'm just more in the middle.

This whole topic is very interesting to me because over the years I have read many online diaries/blogs about babies and parenting and pregnancy, etc. and everyone has an opinion on these issues. Obviously, you have to have an opinion or you wouldn't be raising your child that way. But what I find somewhat amusing is that in our PC culture, it's basically illegal to be passionate about your views on these matters. I just think that it's silly. We have to be adults and recognize that there are different ways of doing things and that whichever way a person chooses, they are going to be passionate about that. A recent example showed up at our college reunion. I hope the two involved won't mind me using them as an example... But my one friend, K., has a young baby that is very scheduled, to the point that she wakes him up when his allotted nap time is over. My other friend, E., and actually myself as well, were surprised by this because we're in the child-led camp and neither of us would ever wake a sleeping baby. We all joked around about it, but you could tell that all of us thought our way was right. But that's just the way it is. And I guess what I'm getting all long winded about is that while we obviously have to respect other people's choices, we also need to realize that everyone is passionate about their choices and believes their way is right. I, personally, try to listen to others views and be open to how they approach situations, but there are definitely issues where I know I'm right and I'm stickin' to it! :)