I have really hit a low in my lifelong search for contentment in my body image. All through high school, I was the athlete with no boobs. I'm not sure I would call myself an "athlete" in college, as I didn't play any sports. Just ran a lot on my own... and did aerobics, sometimes in the same day (shannon... remember that??). So, still fit, but with no boobs. I spent all those years looking forward to being pregnant and "getting boobs." Because, that is why you have babies, right? So, yeah, it was a really great two years. I really enjoyed being pregnant. Getting a giant belly accompanied getting giant (for me) boobs. So, all's cool. Then, I gave birth to the giant baby and walked out of the birthing center retaining only 15 of my 36 pounds gained... and, you guessed it, huge boobs!!! Three months later, I was under my pre-pregnancy weight, eating like a cow (as any breastfeeding mother should), not exercising, and.... had huge boobs! Can you possibly imagine a better scenario. Sure, I was all marshmelloy, but who cares when you have... huge boobs! But... nobody warned me about what happens when you wean. Let me educate you. First, you start dropping feedings. You go from 5 to 4 to 3, etc. What people forget to tell you is that when you are no longer a lactating cow, you can no longer eat like a lactating cow! So, over the course of a few months, I went from 5-6 feedings per day to 1 and continued to eat the same amount and types of food. And, let's all guess what happened then... big fat belly returned and huge boobs were gone. I mean GONE. I think it is safe to say they are smaller than they were before I got pregnant. I really didn't think it would be possible. I did happen to read that in a pregnancy magazine while pregnant and thought, pshaw! that can't happen to me! How much smaller could they get?? Well, this must be the answer. And let me tell you, I am struggling. I'm struggling more with my body image now that at any other time in my life. Before when I had no boobs, I could at least point to that four pack (never did get six) and those steely legs and think, well, I have something to feel good about. I'm in shape. Now, well, I feel like I got nothin'. I know I need to get back into shape. I WANT to get back in shape. I'm one of those people that actually like to exercise. But time. Where does the time go? And, even if I get into shape, will this belly ever go away? I need to see some light at the end of this tunnel...
