It's only me in this flimsy dress

So long, good bye.

2010-03-09T09:17:00.000-08:00

Well, this is really way past due. But since I am apparentley incapable of posting more then every couple MONTHS, I think it's time to say good bye. I often have thoughts about various things I would like to write about, but actually finding the time to sit down and write them out just doesn't seem to materialize.
Thanks to the few of you that have stopped by from time to time. I will still read your blog! :)
Erin

Santa, Baby!

2009-12-22T09:42:00.000-08:00

So, again, N. would NOT sit on Santa's lap. It's a very strange thing to me because she's a very gragarious personality most of the time. She very rarely gets shy. But something in a big red-suited guy with the big white beard just freaks her out, despite our urgings that she must tell him what she wants for Christmas. Her response was, "you can tell him!" So, this year, M. got to be in the Santa pictures. I've been in the last two. C. obviously had no issues.
Christmas has been an interesting season so far. For one, we actually got our tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. I think that's a record. But, in general, it's been a bit of a season of change. There are a lot of "issues," for lack of better word, going on in both extended families, and some traditions have changed because of this. It's bittersweet, really. I hold strongly to traditions. But I also recognize that sometimes change is not only necessary, but good. So, I'm looking forward to doing some things differently this year. We are actually going to be hosting a Christmas Day Brunch. For many years, we all went to my mom's for brunch and then dinner later. Brunch was M.'s favorite part of Christmas. When the kids came, it became difficult to get over to mom's that early and mom was tired of spending the entire day in the kitchen. My sister and I attempted to do some brunchy type things with our own family's at home, but it just wasn't as cool. So, we're going to try this. Since we have the kids and we like BIG BREAKFAST, we're the Brunch makers. I'm excited, though a little concerned as well. You know that pressure of being responsible for part of a holiday and people (even just family) at your house... well, it stresses me out. I'm not a natural hostess. But M.'s doing most of the cooking, so maybe I should just relax. :)
This is also the first year N. is really into Christmas. I'm so excited for Christmas morning!! 3 days and counting!

Healed and ONE!

2009-11-24T09:23:00.001-08:00

Two weeks ago I was pronounced healed and able to resume all regular activities. I started back on the treadmill last Monday and thought I felt pretty good. I was somewhat sore, but not as bad as I expected. So this Monday, I decided to try to do my "old" routine including a mile on incline. OUCH. I only make 1/2 mile and thought I might die. So, taking 6 weeks out of your work out routine, along with having surgery, does definitely set you behind. But, I am happy to say that at least everything feels normal. I did sit ups and everything. So, that's that.

I cannot believe I forgot to write about C. turning ONE! Geesh. I am so terrible at blogging.

So, here's a couple pics of the cake destruction:

Good grief, I'd post more, but it's so obnoxious that they show up at the beginning of the post and are so hard to move.

So, my baby's one. Well, now, he's 14 months old. He's been walking. He doesn't say much. Just uh-oh, mama and a word for all the animals that is not dog or cat. But it is a consistent word that he always uses when one of them comes around. He is a force of destruction. His favorite activity is to make big messes. Box of puzzle peices? Dump them out and fling them around as far as possible. Cabinet of cans? Take them all out and roll them all over the place. Bowl of dog water? Dump it all over the floor and self. (That one makes me insane.) Food on my high chair tray that I don't want to eat? Fling all over the dining room. (This is where the dogs do come in handy.) I think you get the point. I've gotten so tired of just cleaning up after him multiple times/day that I just leave it. When M.'s out of town for a couple days, I'm just letting it be all over the place. The state of my house is a whole post in itself... But C. is very adorable. He still really likes to be held. He holds those chubby arms up with that little dimple smile and you really can't resist. He gives these monkey hugs where he sqeezes so hard around your neck. He LOVES to be outside. I don't know what I'm going to do with him all winter. He tries to escape whenever possible and throws these humerous fits (humerous is that he doesn't throw himself to the ground, but cautiously falls to his butt, shoulder, head so he doesn't get hurt on the hard wood.) when he's thwarted. He also loves to steal things from his sister and run cackling away. He's still a giant. Over 100% on all the charts. He's still breastfeeding 3-4 times/day. I think he'll probaby wean later than N. She was 16 months and I don't see him weaning in another 2 months. He also still does NOT sleep through the night. At this point, I'm kind of over it. I just go get him between 12 and 2 am and he sleeps with us. I usually end up feeding him around 5:30 or 6 am. I'm not freaking out about it. It just is and it will eventually end.

So, there's C's one year update. I can't believe next I'll be writing about N.'s 4th! Birthday! Holy cats.

Razor's Edge

2009-10-12T14:03:00.000-07:00

So, you know how much I hate doctors and needles and hospitals and the like. I really feel like the universe is mocking me. I mean, I guess I never really spent time thinking about it, but the idea that I would ever need to have surgery had just never crossed my mind. I made it through childhood with nary a broken bone, ER visit, etc. The most tramatic thing that happened to me prior to having babies, was getting my wisdom teeth taken out at the age of 16. They did it right in the dentist office.

I won't go into detail regarding my births, though they're here somewhere in the old posts of this blog, but keywords would be natural, midwives, midwife center and NO NEEDLES.

Again, universe laughing at me...

The quick backstory - I had 2 prior episodes of abdominal pain that I interpretted to be constipation. I even actually went to a DOCTOR the first time and he told me to eat more fiber and drink more water. As such, I was less inclined to go to the Dr. again the second time. The third time it occured (3 weeks ago), the pain was just so much more intense and my husband put his foot down and took me to the ER (first #1), where I was given an IV (first #2). One of the doctors first couple thoughts where, "Do you have a history of ovarian cysts." The answer to this is yes, I've had a few and I had a rather large one during my last pregnancy, but everyone said it would resolve after the pregnancy. He thought not and off to ultrasound I went where I had a belly ultrasound (Hey, this is familiar) and an internal ultrasound (first #3... wha????). They indeed determined that I had a cyst the size of a baseball and released me with instructions to contact my obgyn the next day and figure out what to do about it.

Contact my who? I don't have an obgyn anymore. I have midwives... Who when contacted, said... yeah, we don't do that. You'll have to call the surgeon. Which I did, and amazingly was able to get an appt. the next day with his partner. At the appt., I was given two options: 1) Have surgery now, 2) Monitor it, but likely have surgery later. At this point, the backstory to the backstory is that M. had just accepted a new job that would require him to be in NJ 3 days a week that started the week after the immediate surgery would be scheduled. So, I figured I might as well get it over with, and there I was with all sorts of consent forms and papers and papers telling me of all the horrible things that could, might, probably won't but we have to tell you anyway. I walked out of there with my head spinning. Is this really happening?? To me?? The doctor-hater??

I calmed myself with the knowledge that this was a laproscopic proceedure, outpatient, recovery in 2-3 days. Easy, breezy. The surgeon is well-respected in one of the best hospitals in Pittsburgh, which happens to have some really good hospitals. He does many of these every Tuesday.

Monday before surgery - no food. Just clear liquids. And a laxative. Surprisingly, I didn't mind the lack of food. I expected to be starving. I guess those of you that fast know about this, but I've never fasted in my entire life. Had to get bloodwork done in the morning. Best vampire nurse I've ever had in my life. I'm notorious for having tiny veins and passing out. Hence, the previous NO NEEDLE policy.

Tuesday - Mom picks me up at 6 am. Hospital at 6:30 am. Pre-op at 7am. Peeing in a cup, weight, blood pressure. So far so good. Get in room... Urine was questionable for pregnancy. WHAT?? Have to do a blood draw to be sure. This vampire nurse... not so good. Couldn't get blood from vein in arm. Had to use hand. Ouch. This is why I hate this. NOT PREGNANT. It was about this time when I started to lose it. You are poking me with awful needles and telling me I might be pregnant. I had so much going through my head. Maybe it was an ectopic pregnancy which was why I was in so much pain? Pregnant at all? I am totally not prepared to be pg again. I am done having kids. But my mom was there and she prayed for me, and I think there were a few more of YOU out there praying as well, as I calmed down and got wheeled upstairs for surgery.
Can I tell you how incredibly helpless you feel when you have someone driving you around on a gurney in a hospital? It is a really horrible feeling. I'll get into this whole dependency thing later.
Anyway, up on the surgical floor I meet the Anesthesiologist. I go through my now well-rehearsed speech about tiny veins. He tells me I'm in very good hands, but then proceeds to smack and flick my hand to find any veins, then tells the other nurse he has to use the smallest needle possible, so it may take the drugs a while longer than normal to take effect. I'm all, please do not start working on me until I'm really out.
Then it's into the surgical room. It's a good thing the drugs were already pumping, because when they got me in there and I saw all the people and machines and instruments and lights and, well, everything you see on TV, I was freaking out. Scootch over to the operating table and then it was lights out.
I wake up 3 hours later in recovery. Recovery is really weird. Big room with all sorts of other recovering people. Still half drugged and wondering what is going on. Mr. Nurse comes to drop the bomb. Doc couldn't get you done laproscopically. You've been cut open and you're being admitted. In my still loopy drugged up haze, I took this news okay. But then I was there FOREVER. 3 more hours. The heavy meds worse off and I was SOOOO thirsty and I wasn't allowed to drink anything. He finally had mercy and gave me a little swab of water. Finally, they found me a room.
Wow, this is getting really long. Anyway, finally get situated in my room, but they can't find my mom. She was on the other floor waiting for them to tell her where I was. I wait for the nurses to leave and then call her myself. Geesh. She gets to me and I finally get the whole story as to why I had "REAL" surgery. This cyst was really mean. It wrapped itself around my fallopian tube 4 times and then buried itself behind my uterus. Doc had to take out the entire fallopian tube and the mass. He couldn't do it laproscopically because there was too much chance of internal bleeding and he couldn't get behind the uterus that way. Silver lining - he was able to save my ovary. When I met with the Doc the next day, he further explained that my tube was completely mangled and leaving it there would have put me at serious risk for ectopic pregnancy. Since I still have another set of ovary/fallopian tube, my fertility has not been seriously compromised. I was not that concerned about this, re: no more kids, but I was a bit concerned about hormones. Since I have both ovaries, I'm okay hormone wise. Phew.
So, I'll start to sum up. In hospital for 3 days. Released with instructions of no stairs or lifting for 2 weeks. Take it easy for 2 more weeks after that, and full recovery in 6 weeks. And I thought I'd be good to go in 3 days... universe laughing...

Vegas - A bust

2009-09-30T13:41:00.000-07:00

To say that I'm not a huge fan of Vegas would be somewhat of an understatement. The unfortunate part is that if we'd rented a vehicle of some sort, it could have been a nice trip. But being as we were marooned in the Strip, there's only so many upscale shops, casinos and hotels to see before you get a little bored. Neither of us being gamblers, we "gambled" for about a total of 30 minutes... playing slots. We won $100 too! So we cashed out and were done with it. Unfortunately, that was no nearly enough to pay for dinner that night. Being from Pittsburgh, voted the most liveable city in the country, with good prices on everything from houses to a pint, I was in complete sticker shock. $8 for a beer, $12 for a glass of wine, $30-40 for a "real" meal. Of course, you can find cheaper food, in strip mall type fast food places, but I really don't consider that going "out."
The best part of the whole trip for me was sitting out by the pool in 90+ degree weather and actually getting hot enough to get in the pool. That did not happen one single time in Pittsburgh this year.
So, I'll sum it up like this... if you get a chance to go to Vegas and you're not a big gambler, plan on taking some trips out of the strip to see some of the mountains or the Hoover Dam. That probably would have saved the trip for me. Otherwise, I'm marking down as a "been there, done that, not goin' back."

Vegas, baby!

2009-09-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm headed to Las Vegas. M. had a work conference over the weekend, and I'll be joining him in the City of Sin. Vegas has never been a destination that I've wanted to go to, but the opportunity was there and we hadn't really done much vacation-wise this year, so we figured, why not? We don't gamble and we don't really do night-clubby type things, but everyone says it's just something to see. So, we'll see if I'm cut out for Vegas. I had to do a little shopping over the weekend. Not that I want to necessarily "look the part," but I didn't think my "mommy" clothes would really cut it. I'll let you know how it is. I'm excited and curious, though a little apprehensive.

11 months

2009-08-20T09:24:00.000-07:00

My computer situation is all screwed up today, so I can't post a picture. But yesterday marked C.'s 11th month. I am so torn about how I feel about my little boy growing up. It's so fun to watch him as he cruises around, trying so hard to walk, holding his chubby hands up because he wants to be held ALL THE TIME. His cute little cuddles, his horrible sleep habits, his avid nursing. In short, he is a momma's boy through and through. So, he's still very much a baby, but in 30 days, he will suddenly become a toddler! What? It's been a year since I pushed 9 lbs 12 ounces into this world in 20 minutes? Seems impossible. And I'm sad, in a lot of ways. Because some of these milestones will be the last time I watch one of my own children learn to ...
Pending any accidents or acts of God, we are not planning on having any more children. Most of the time, I am okay with this. While I loved being pregnant, and call me crazy, even giving birth, I think that it's just right for our family just to have two children. Sometimes I'm bummed that N. will not have a sister and will not have a relationship like I do with a sister, but I know lots of women who only had brothers and they seem okay. But then every once in a while I look at C. and how giant he is (around 30 lbs) and realize I will never hold my own little baby curled to my chest again. I'll never see my own child learn to crawl. I'll never get to see that funny face when you feed them something new. So, I'm delighting in all of his new skills, but there is a hint of sadness that did not accompany them when N. was learning. Sigh, such is life. Now, I must get to work on planning a birthday party. Not my forte!

Three

2009-08-05T09:20:00.001-07:00

Wow, over a month since my last entry. I am so awful at this. Thanks to those of you who still check back periodically!

I want to discuss three year olds. N. is almost 3 1/2. I am really struggling with this age. I don't know how much of it is related to the fact that I'm also trying to take care of a baby, but I find her so frustrating.

This is what's aggravating:

1) the whining... dear lord the whining

2) extreme opinions on what she's going to wear, eat, do, etc. that result in freak outs if she's told no.

3) super independence - wanting to do everything by herself, even when she's not capabale, and... freak outs when some one helps her

4) alternately, wanting to pretend to be the "baby" - she gets a pacifier and pretends to cry and wants to be held. I was okay with this for a while, assuming that obviously this is a reaction to not being the baby anymore, but it is so annoying after 2 minutes.

5) constantly interferring with C. If C's standing, she'll knock him over. If he's crawling, she'll try to pick him up, if he's lying down she tries to flip him over. I believe I have uttered the words, "JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE" at various decibal levels several thousand times.

6) Not listening. I tell her to do something and she ambles along, often getting distracted by something else and 5 minutes later she still hasn't - gotten her shoes on, brushed her teeth, went to the bathroom, etc.

7) Throwing back one liners at me that I say to her all the time: Don't talk to me like that, Don't argue with me, That's rude!

Sigh. I feel badly because I'm not sure if I'm approaching all this correctly. Clearly, we have to set some boundries and make is known what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. At the same time, I feel like I am CONSTANTLY correcting her, and truth be told, yelling. Who knew I'd be a yeller?

Of course all of this is tempered by the adorable stories. The other day she was out on the porch and I told her she can't go outside unless she asks me first. Her response was, "But I was looking for Jesus." And all the "I love you, Mommy"'s. And all the hugs and kisses.

It's so worth it, and I just hope I'm doing it right... If you've had a 3 year old and have some tips, I'd love to hear them!

Anniversary Trip - Day 4 - The end

2009-07-01T08:54:00.001-07:00

So, it seems we did not document the last day with any photographs, so it will just be narrative.

We got up some time around 8 and went looking for breakfast. We had intended to go back to the Continental because we'd eaten a great breakfast there a couple years ago, but apparently they don't open 'til 10 or so. So we just ended up going to Manhatten bagel. Prior to leaving the hotel, I had been having a bit of an allergy attack. While walking around looking for breakfast, I started to realize that part of my face was going numb. My upper lip, right top part of my mouth and teeth and it kept growing into my nose, eye and up into my head. It was quite freaky. I figured it had to be related to blowing my nose and that maybe I just hit a nerve or something. Those of you that know me well know that I blow my nose quite vigorously! Well, anyway, breakfast was good, if not exactly what we planned and despite the numbness, I was still able to chew.
We went back to the hotel, packed up and started riding, but I was in more and more increasing pain/worry about my head. I had to get M. to pull over at a rest stop and I got some medicine. It was really weird and bad. I also took my earrings out and left my sunglasses off because I wasn't sure what exactly was causing the problem. About an hour later, we reached our first stop - Stoudt's brewery near Lancaster and the pain had started to ebb and the numbness was starting to go away. Phew! For one, I thought there might be something seriously wrong with me, and for two, at the least, it was going to make for a very miserable ride home. (BTW, this has happened to me again since, and I have been trying very hard to only blow my nose gently. Has any one else every experienced or heard of this??)
So anyway, we were at Stoudt's, but they weren't quite open yet, so we took a walk around their antique section. Antiques are a weird thing for me. I really don't get why people place so much value on old stuff. Furniture I get because all the new stuff is such garbage, but why do people pay bunches of money for... old bottles? old figurines, nick-knacks, and various other objects that just get dusty. I digress...
We had a yummy appetizer and beers at Stoudts and then we were off to LBC - Lancaster Brewing Company. We got wings and another beer there. Then I did what I never thought I would do, but it was getting hot... I took my jacket off. I always wear my bike jacket. It has these skid pads and stuff that are supposed to protect you if you fall off... I just feel better with it on. Those people you see riding bikes in tank tops and shorts... not me. But I did this time, and it was nice.
Our last stop was in Gettysburg to ABC - Appalachian Brewing Company. This place was very pretty and we had a great lunch. But we stayed a little too long, which forced us to stay on the bike pretty much for the next 3 hours straight.
We arrived home around 9 pm and I was so excited to see the kiddos. C. started nursing right away, which was very relieving. One of my biggest fears was that he'd forget how to nurse while we were away.
So that is that. It was mostly nice. I won't go on such a big trip on that bike again, but it was nice to have done it. I'd like to go back to all the places we went and spend more time. I enjoyed spending a chunk of time just with hubby. Who knows when we'll get the chance to do it again!

Day Three

2009-06-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

This recap business is hanging over my head! Okay, so day three...

We had an absolutely delightful breakfast on the porch of Porches, the B&B we stayed in at New Hope(notice all the porches.) Despite my initial frustration of having no hairdryer, it really was adorable, quaint and breakfast rocked. Including the coffee. However, that didn't stop us from visiting the Starbucks around the corner. After breakfast, we took a walking tour of New Hope and went across the river to Lambersville, NJ.

Then it was time to get back on the bike and take the slow way to Philly, which included stopping at several of M's old haunts during his stay in Perkasie 2 years ago.

We parked the bike up on the sidewalk in down town Philly and got checked in. We went downstairs to get a drink, only to discover the hotel bar was under construction. So, we headed down to an Irish pub just a few blocks away. We were having a great time, but I just really wanted to freshen up. Remember, we were supposed to do that dress up dinner anniversary thing... well, you know those best laid plans... We headed back and we did freshen up, but I just wasn't feeling the outfit I brought, so it was jeans again. M. took me to this happening place where he ordered me a "Pim's cup." He'd been talking about it for months. It was indeed very good, cucumber slice and all. We had an excellent appetizer of Ahi tuna. I don't recall why we left, but we went in search of steak and ended up at a place called "Prime Rib." It basically reminded me of Morton's or Ruth Chris... everything is ala carte and expensive, but also delicious. There was a roudy table of guys for a bachelor party behind us that were creating quite a scene. Not quite the romantic dinner we had in mind, but certainly entertaining. Despite the commotion (that got us free drinks), I was able to give M. his gift. Which was a new wedding band. He lost his original at the beach 2 years ago after I had finally gotten it sized up. He hadn't worn it for several years. So, here we were, 10 years later and finally correctly ringed up. :)

It was getting late, but I really wanted to make the most of our last night out. I forced M. into going back to the Irish pub, but the atmosphere had completely changed and was, well, just annoying. So, our last night we made it to about 12:30. Not once did we have that night we were expecting of partying to the wee sma's. In actuality, despite all of our various stops at locations that serve libations, we were very conservative. When one is on two wheels, it is best to be a little careful that you don't fall off.

Day 4 at a later date.

Day Two

2009-06-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

So, where'd we leave off? Going to bed early the first night.... right.

So the second day, we had a great breakfast (minus the coffee) and got on the road a little after nine. Our next destination was Wagner's Winery and Brewery. We've been there several times, and it's always fun. But we're not normally there before noon.

We got there right as it opened and had a nice, though lengthy wine tasting (some of those folks love to listen to themselves talk) and then moved on to the beer. Same guy did another long beer tasting and then when we bought a pitcher and some snacks, you would have thought he'd never seen a cash register before...

Outside on their giant deck, we shared our beer and I got this:

Now, some of you may be wondering... what? That looks like the engagement ring you got over 10 years ago... and you would be correct. I bent a prong about 3 years ago and have not been wearing my ring since then. So, I'm very happy to have her back.

This place has some swans that are really mean and bite you when you get close, so of course...

He actually bit my leg throuogh my jeans and gave me a nasty bruise.

So, we got back on the road and managed to stay dry for a while, but it caught up with us eventually. It was during this time I was thinking... Cindy goes to Hawaii, Shannon goes to Costa Rica...why am I riding a motorcycle in the rain in Pennsylvania??? But negativity doesn't help anything. We found a place to stop for late lunch near the Poconos. I don't remember the name, but it was another brewery. Then it was on to New Hope. Despite the rain, there was a lot of nice scenery on the way. We went along the river and saw numerous old, beautiful houses. We finally made it to our B&B by 7:30 pm. This was "supposed" to be our nice dinner out since it was out actual anniversary. However, upon getting into our room, I realized there was no hair dryer... Hmmm. And the lady on duty had left the premises. Plus it was still raining outside and there was no way I was getting back on that bike. So, we readjusted our expectations and decided we'd do our special dinner tomorrow in Philly. We bar hopped for a while, but again, just ended up coming back to our room around 11 or so. Riding a bike is hard work!

Day three recap... sometime. :)

Anniversary Trip Recap

2009-06-19T08:56:00.000-07:00

So, my life has been crazy since we got back from this trip, but I felt like I was leaving ya'll hanging with no recap...

We headed out early on Thursday...7:30 am, and froze all the way to get breakfast. After a great breakfast, we got back on the bike and froze again for another 2 hours, including getting a ticket. Not the greatest way to start out. We made it to Ellicotville, NY to our first microbrewery for lunch. It was finally not uncomfortably cold on the bike, but it was getting to be a long day, and I was really looking forwarded to getting in and settled. But as we were driving right by some wineries on our way in, we stopped at two. By the time we got to the hotel, we realized that the other wineries were already closed. So, we showered, walked around the adorable town of Hammondsport, had a delicious dinner, and headed home early. The intent had been to go to the Irish pub and stay til the wee sma's, but we were just too tired... This ended up being somewhat of a theme...
So, that was Day 1.
I'll post about Day 2 tomorrow... hopefully.

10 years... and counting

2009-06-02T09:45:00.001-07:00

Inspired by greg's post of his trip to Costa Rico for his 10th anniversary, I thought I'd share our less exotic plans to celebrate 10 great years. We were originally intending on going for a week sans kiddos, but given the fact that C. is only 8 months old and still a very avid nursling, we trimmed the itinerary down to 4 days. We are going for a (motor)bike trip up through the Finger Lakes region of NY (read:wineries) down through Eastern PA to New Hope, then onto Philly and then back home. We have lots of little stops planned along the way (read: pumping) and are excited to visit some old haunts and find some new places that will mark the event. While I have still have some reservations for leaving my little ones behind, I am looking forward to making some wonderful memories with my husband. I'll let you know how it all works out. Happy Anniversary to me (and Cindy/Tim, Shannon/Greg and Megan/Matt!)

Night weaning

2009-05-26T09:14:00.001-07:00

C. is a little over 8 months now. 8 months! I can't believe it. And yes, I have just now started to night wean him. I remember this being a 2 week tortorous process with N. But with her, we didn't use these wonderful contraptions called nuks or binks or nunnies or paci's or whatever they're called in your neck of the woods. So, it hasn't been too bad. If he wakes up and I haven't gone to bed yet or I'm rational enough, I put his bink in while he's still in his bed and pat his belly and he'll go back to sleep, usually. For those middle of the night wakings, I usually just grab him out of his bed, tuck him in beside me and stick the bink in. By 5 am or so, I'll go ahead and feed him. So, this is where all of you who had their babies sleeping through the night in their own cribs by 2 months think I'm totally insane. Then there's a the other camp who'll find this normal, and then the other side who thinks I'm pushing him out too fast. Oh, the joys of parenting and making your own decisions! As much as I complained about having N. in our bed for so long (over 2 years), a big part of me realizes how quickly this stage will go and I enjoy cuddling with my little (giant) baby, because I know soon he will be walking and talking and sleeping in his own bed. Since he's my last baby, baring any whoopsies, I want to enjoy him...even if it means a little less sleep.

Too many balls in the air? Or Airhead?

2009-05-06T09:17:00.001-07:00

I feel the need to temper the seriousness of my last post with some self deprecating humor...

How to tell when you have too many balls in the air?
1) you show up to a pediatrician appointment on time, but an entire week early just because they called you the day before to remind you of the appt and you didn't check your calendar.
2) you listen to the same CD every time you turn on music because you don't have time to rummage around looking for other CD's that are likely not in the correct cases anyway.
3) you give yourself immense kudos for remembering to give your kids their medicine for 5 whole days in a row without missing any doses
4) you are so on autopilot that you drive to daycare the same way you've been going for three years, only to have to turn around because that road has been closed for TWO WEEKS.
5) you get all the kids in the car and all your "errand" stuff together for the post office and bank, only to realize that they are both closed due to some kind of holiday only they celebrate.
6) you haven't worn earrings for 2 months because you can't find any backs. where do those things disappear to?
7) you have not yet purchased the 2009 photo album, but keep getting pictures developed anyway
8) you put your dogs on rations because you're not sure when you'll be able to get to the store to get them more dogfood.
9) despite the calendar reminder to "meal plan," you just pull chicken and hope for the best...maybe the hubby will cook... and then you go out to dinner.
10) you get to work and go to the bathroom to brush your teeth when you look in the mirror and realize that your black shirt is INSIDE OUT. and turning it around requires extensive babywipe application to all the deodorent marks.

Yes, all of those things have happened to me in the recent past... or perhaps I've happened to them?

So, people die?

2009-04-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

The cycle of life. Birth, life and... death. Easter brings us hope, yet I have been struck by the fact that people still die. You may believe that you will see them again, but they still die. This past week has brought the news of 3 officers being killed in Pittsburgh, a teenage son of a pastor getting killed in a car accident, a mother and 3 month old infant dying in a tornado... Closer to home, both of my grandmothers are getting "up there" and starting to have more and more significant health issues. I, myself, have been relatively free of dealing with the death of a close loved one. I've had great aunts and uncles die, and an estranged grandfather, but no one that I actually mourned. I am very blessed, yet very unprepared. Despite my faith, I must say that death still scares me. There are people in my life that I do not know how I would go on if something happened to them... but the problem is that it is not a matter of if, it's a matter of when... They will die. We will all die. And the end of the story is that all that matters is what you did with Life. What am I doing with my life? Is it significant? And the answer right now is I'm not sure. I hope I will. I want to appreciate my opportunities more and make more of each day. Because they are limited. They will end.

Death of a pump

2009-03-31T09:41:00.000-07:00

Full time breastfeeding while working can definitely present its challenges. I am lucky to have my own office where I can shut the door and take care of business without feeling awkward. Granted, there was that one time the cleaning lady walked in on me, but other than that, I've had no issues having the time and privacy to pump milk for the kiddos. The pump on the other hand... geesh. I bought my first pump on ebay for something like $100. But the person who sold it wasn't exactly honest and I thought I was buying a pump in style, and instead I bought an older model, called the double ease. Now before someone lectures me, yes, I do know that you're not *supposed* to buy used pumps because the milk can get in the pump... Can and DOES. I am fortunate to not have an issue with milk supply, and several times, when I wasn't paying attention (because I was reading someone's blog!) I over pumped the bottle and milk got into the lines and thus into the hose and machine (and then all over me. And it stains!) I'm guessing this isn't really good for the pump because recently my well-worn good friend just stopped creating suction. This happened once before and we took her apart, cleaned her up and she was as good as new. However, this time, after the same process, it just didn't sound right. I had the forboding feeling that we were close to a complete break down. And what would I do? Spend $380 on a new one? Try to bid on another on ebay and pay for overnight shipping? Well, my cousin's wife also recently had a baby and unforunately, her job is not conducive to pumping. She tried for a while, but she had to use the bathroom and it just wasn't working out for her. So, she offered to let me borrow hers. Later that same day, my old friend died again. So, I took her up on her offer, and now I am using a very attractive and super fast pump in style! I didn't know what I've been missing all this time. It has a cool looking bag, it creates a lot more suction and pumps so much faster! I've cut my pumping time in half! While I miss my old friend, the double ease (smaller, works on 2 batteries, etc.), I am so relieved not to have to buy another one and so impressed with the new one.

DWTS/SYTYCD

2009-03-25T09:14:00.000-07:00

Okay, so i know there are some SYTYCD fans out there who are all snobby about DWTS. While i can see your point, i am still a fan of both. And in case you didn't know, there are now two SYTYCD graduates on DWTS - Lacey Schwimmer is in her second season and Chelsea Hightower is in it this year. I started out being a little disappointed this season with Jewel getting hurt and that lack of many "real" celebs among the men. But it has become entertaining anyway. Plus, who knew Chuck Wicks was so cute! So, give it a chance, snobs!

i promise

2009-03-04T06:11:00.001-08:00

When I say that I hate February, I really, really mean it. And when February lingers into March, I start to get angry. When I got up on March 2nd with many errands to run with 2 snotty nosed, ear infected kids and saw the thermometer reading 12 with a windchill of -5, looked out the window to see more white stuff coming out of the sky, I was mad. Four days into this month, and it's yet to get over 20 degrees. This has been a long, hard winter. I am tired of lugging kids around with blankets and big coats and hats and gloves. I'm tired of running out in my slippers to start the truck and make sure it runs for at least 10 minutes to even start to get the chill out. I'm tired of leaving in the dark and getting home in the dark...
But there is hope. I don't have to leave the light on outside anymore. There are little green things coming out of the ground in the flower bed. There was talk of what to put in the garden this year. It may be slow this year, but I'm guessing Spring really will come in another couple weeks. I am dreaming of light sweaters, muddy grass, daffodils and robins. I cannot wait to give the old treadmill a break and head outside with the big double jogging stroller. I cannot wait for that first dinner we have outside in the yard. There's the long days, the warm sun, the anticipation of growing things.
This promise I make you: I will not utter one complaint about the heat of summer. I have made this promise before and kept it, even pregnant. I will savor those sweaty moments.

Really?

2009-02-25T06:06:00.000-08:00

I decided to give up sweets for Lent. No, I'm not Catholic or any other brand of Christianity that requires it. If fact, I don't even know what "brand" of Christian I am any more, but that's a whole 'nother story. Anyway, so I've only given something up for Lent once before, and it was sweets then too. I have a problem with sweets, chocolate in particular. At work, we have this giant basket of communal bite size candy bars. If I could manage moderation, I'd be okay with this, but no, I end up eating like 10 of these things a day. At home, it's chocolate chips if I'm too lazy to actually make the cookies. So, yes, I have a self control issue with sweets and I'm going to take this time to work on it.
And on this very first day of Lent, I walked into my office this morning to find... 2 fresh boxes of Girl Scout Thin Mints. Really? Did that really happen? I think if I stared long enough, one of those girl's faces may have morphed into the devil laughing at me... HA HA HA. Here's to day one of 40. Let the self control, heavily aided by much prayer, begin!

Valentine's Day, Birthdays, "Days" in general

2009-02-19T09:12:00.000-08:00

Those of you that know me or have read some of those Christmas entries probably already know that we're a little low key. We don't expend a whole lot of effort into holidays, special days, etc. We do small birthday dinners with close family and some days, like Valentine's day this year, we just completely ignore. M. and I are cool with this.
However, this is a certain almost 3 year old in our household now that likes to make a BIG DEAL out of special days. She has been talking about her birthday since MY birthday. Every day she asks me if it's her birthday. She pretends to make birthday cakes, puts candles on them and asks me to blow them out. When she got Valentine's cards/gifts from her daycare friends on Tuesday, she was so excited. And guess who felt like an absolute donkey's butt? I totally blanked on the exchange of "valentines." She wasn't there for the party, so she didn't experience being there with nothing to give her friends, but when I saw that bag of stuff she got from all the other kids, oh my gosh, I felt like such a loser! The social pressure of what those other parents must think about N's Mom... ack!
Then I read some other blogs (megan) about the cute stuff they did for Valentine's Day, or greg's blog about the cake his wife made their son for his birthday. It started me thinking. . . M. and I like to call it low key, but let's call it what it is, people... it's LAZY. It's also airhead! I honestly just don't think about these things. I need a personal assistant to remind me what normal people do with kids for things like this because it simply does not even enter my realm of thought. And I don't want N. to have to pay for my ditziness.
So, I'm trying to wrap my head around approaching these little special days differently. Why not make them special? Why not look forward to them? Why not get the kids excited and decorate paper with hearts and cook special meals, and for crying out loud, the extra desserts are definitely enticing! Why not? Yes, it will require me to PLAN and USE MY HEAD. Two things I openly admit to completely sucking at, but I really feel convinced that I must make the effort.
So, what's coming up that needs celebrating?? We're celebrating M and N's birthday on Sunday, March 15th. I want to do it better than just preparing food. Maybe we'll actually have a theme, or actual decorations, or, good grief, maybe I'll go all crazy with some balloons!
After that, it's St. Patrick's Day (N.'s real birthday), Easter, what... what else do other people celebrate? Clue me in!

Death of Christmas

2009-01-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

I hate this time of year. The next three months will be very challenging for me. I think I could be diagnosed with Seasonal Depressive Disorder or whatever the official name of that is called (Can you believe I was a psych major? Throckmorton would be ashamed.) where the treatment is tanning, aka light therapy. It's the melancholy that sets in when this:

Becomes this:

And all you can do is vacuum up the pine needles.

It's when you look ahead and all there is to look forward to is work. Working out to get in shape after all those Christmas cookies. Working at work until the end of May because there are no holidays. Working in your house because there's a constant stream of muddy footprints and shedding hair. Resolutions to spend less money, eat out less, buckle down and pay down debt and other similarly less than exciting challenges to face. I used to have my January birthday to look forward to, but now that various numerals are going to fill in the 3X space, it has somewhat lost its ability to cheer me up.

While I face this every year, it seems especially strong this year because we had such a nice holiday season. N. was more aware and excited about Christmas. We spent a lot of good times with family. We relaxed at home without an agenda. M. had a lot of time off work and we just really took it easy. So, there was no "relief" that Christmas was over. It wasn't hectic or annoying and nobody got in a fight with anybody else. :)

It's also that time of year in Pittsburgh when the weather plain sucks. It gets REALLY cold, but doesn't snow. It warms up enough to RAIN. I HATE RAIN. It is grey, grey, grey every day until you really aren't sure you can take it anymore. It is UGLY. It's why I go stark raving crazy with spring fever come April. If only I could take my whole family with me and move to San Diego...along with Pittsburgh's cost of living...

As that's clearly impossible, be aware that a little blue rain cloud has parked itself above my head. Things may be a little gloomy over here at flimsy dress. Come cheer me up!

Sharing Christmas

2008-12-19T05:04:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, right? Well, most of ya'll know I'm rather minimalist when it comes to decorating. I actually did a little better this year than some other years, but still doesn't come close to most of what I see on Megan's blog.

So, here we go.

We, too, go to the "daddy store" for our tree, though no one here calls it that. So, here's the entrance of the tree.

And here's getting the tree set up:

And here's our ornament box. Our ornaments are a mix of my ornaments growing up, lots of Polish hand blown glass from M's mom, and the rest just picked up here and there and I'm not really sure where they came from...

And here's the finished project.
Now, those of you who were part of the recent email string will notice that the lights are white, not colored. We used to have colored, but I could not find them, and since we had white, white it became... I do prefer colored and blinking though. I'm immature like that.

Next is our homemade stockings. I would love to take credit for them, but all I do is buy the material and take it to my mom. I somewhat regret the size. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it's impossible to fill them up.

And lastly, we hang all our cards on the arch going into the dining room.

And that's it. I hope you enjoyed the tour of our Christmas. I've enjoyed your!

Merry Christmas!

Back in the saddle

2008-12-09T13:44:00.001-08:00

Well, today was my first day back to work. And, it's okay. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it. It was definitely more traumatic with N. She was my first baby and I was so convinced that we would both die if I worked. Obviously, we have both survived. Thankfully, this time I am in the office only three days a week, as well, so that helps a lot. While I certainly miss C. and loathe the 3 times per day pumping sessions, this works for me. It is such a controversial subject it seems. Believe me, I get the guilt trips from my mom regularly. I definitely understand the desire to stay home. Regardless of the money situation, though, I'm not sure I would be happy as a 100% SAHM. I just don't know that I can be that selfless. To be all about the kids all the time. I feel as if I could be stumbling into dangerous territory, and while not too many people read this, I don't want to write anything that can be misconstrued, so I'll leave it at this: I work in an office part time. It works for me. I understand those who do not. It works for them. There, is that pacifist enough? :)

Giant

2008-11-26T08:18:00.001-08:00

Is second child syndrome capturing me so quickly. I've barely said a word about this wee one I've spent the past 10 weeks with. So, to summarize, C. is huge. Giant. Bigger than N. He's over 95% in all measurements. He weighed in at a whopping 15 lbs, 8.5 oz at his 2 month appt. He's wearing 6 month clothes because I can't button the 3-6 variety any more. His little personality is starting to show a bit. He's smiling and laughing and definitely lets you know if he's hungry. It rather amazes me that I make enough milk for him. He eats so fast that he ends up having a belly full of air, which means that he's also very gassy. Toots and belches louder than many adults, excluding his father. :) He sleeps in his bassinet *sometimes*. I try, but I just love sleeping with a little one curled up beside me. I know it will bite me in the butt in a few short months, but they grow up so fast that it just seems worth it. I have less than 2 weeks left of maternity leave, so I'm trying to savor all these days that can sometimes seem so long. I know it's quite cliche, but life's minutes seem so long, but years so short. As I'm pretty sure this is our last baby, I'm trying to relish every minute of it. Even the cranky ones.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving.

DWTS

2008-11-13T13:41:00.001-08:00

Okay, so there's like this whole election thing that i should say something intelligent about, but other than saying that i think our country as we know it is about to die, i just can't muster the effort. So, on the lighter side of life, i wanted to post this adorable picture of what my daughter does every time i watch dancing with the stars. she then demands that M. dance with her e very time the music comes on. i think it's one of those memories i will cherish forever.

couch potato

2008-10-24T14:14:00.001-07:00

So, we all hear all the time about how kids watch too much tv and don't get enough exercise and don't use their imaginations enough, etc. Until lately, N. never watched tv unless we were watching something together. However, recently, she found this dvd my mom gave me a while ago and asked to watch it. So, I humored her and let her watch it and suddenly, it's like I've opened Pandora's box. She now asks to "watch dt" and specifically, can she "watch the bear" several times a day. Usually, I try to distract her with something else and that will often work. But we've had a few meltdowns over not being able to "watch the bear." And mommy's also discovered that she can grab 30 - 60 minutes of "get something done" time while kiddo is mesmerized by "the bear."
So, what do you think? What do you do with your kids? How much tv is okay? How do you choose what tv is okay? For instance, I'm not particularly fond of "the bear." Several of the episodes the bear is misbehaving and I don't care for how the parent bears handle the misbehavior... However, the time to get a work out in or clean or cook with out "help" from little hands is also quite attractive. Thoughts?

Slowly

2008-10-08T06:29:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to say that transitioning from one baby to two babies is not easy. I just don't have the luxury to relax and simply bond with C. with N. running around like a typical two year old. I was also not healing nearly as fast as I did after N.'s birth, despite this one being an easier birth. So, M. put his foot down and took N. to daycare for the past three days, and I have literally done nothing more strenuous than wash a few dishes and sit on the couch. C. and I have had some good bonding time and it's so nice to just spend time getting to know the little guy.

++++ Several days have now past. I've now had N. home with me for two straight days and I'm managing to survive. I've also actually been able to vacuum the floors and clean the bathroom. Gross. Just not something that men... or at least my man, does well.
So, we're hanging in there. N. went through a phase of not going to the potty... last Tuesday, I think I changed her clothes 10 times. I know this is normal, but so aggravating in the midst of everything else. I'm combatting it by simply taking her to the potty every hour and making her go. She's also gotten attached to a pacifier, which is odd since she never had one as a baby. She did also ask if she could "eat your boobs." I just said no. I wasn't even going there. But isn't that funny? That's what she calls C. eating... "mommy, C. eat mommy's boobs?" And then she gets one of her teddy bears and says, "My baby eat my boobs," as she pretends to nurse a teddy bear. I find it to be quite humourous.

So, anyway, thanks for all the well wishes. We're doing okay!

A birth story

2008-09-24T10:44:00.001-07:00

September 24, 2008

Dear Caleb David,

Well, you have a name, so that means that you are here and are a boy! Despite the fact that it was 50/50 that you would be a boy, I was pretty surprised. I think the fact that I already have a girl just caused me to assume that you would be a girl too. So, here’s the story of how you came into this crazy world:

Thursday morning, your daddy got up to go to work, and I turned over in bed and I thought my water broke. It was a good amount of liquid and I couldn’t imagine what else it could be. I never had any “leakage” of anything with your big sister. So, we called the midwives and we got an appointment to come in. However, I was not having any contractions at this point. But I got super excited that I thought you would be coming soon and we got all the bags packed and dropped your big sister off with Mimi and headed down. We stopped and had breakfast and then went to our appointment. I was very disappointed to hear that it was not my water that broke, but probably just more mucus plug. I actually started crying in the exam room because I was so anxious to get you out and I was just so tired of being pregnant. So, home we went and daddy wasted a day off and we were all just sort of bummed out and annoyed. I was definitely irritable. We went to bed a little late and I woke up around 1 in the morning with some contractions. They weren’t super strong, but they were strong enough to wake me up. They were coming every 15 minutes or so. After trying to sleep for a while, I got up and started timing them. I got your daddy up at 3 am. They got as close as 5 minutes apart and I really thought I was going into labor now. I called the midwife at 4 in the morning. She advised me to try to get some more rest. When we laid back down, they slowed down to 15 to 20 minutes again. We got up around 6 and I basically timed contractions all day long and your daddy stayed home again, but we still had no real labor. All day long they remained 10 to 15 minutes apart and not extremely intense. We went down to the center to get checked and I was still less than 2 cm dilated. I couldn’t believe it! So we left and your daddy and I made a plan. We were going to stop thinking about the contractions. We were going to go out to dinner and enjoy some time together, pick up your big sister and spend some time with her. Then we were going to drop her off at her Babcia’s house, rent a movie and relax. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans…
During dinner, I definitely had some contractions that I had to concentrate through. But I did not time then and tried to ignore them. We picked Nadia up and headed down to Marcin’s mom’s house. We stopped and got the movie. This whole time, I’m having noticeable contractions, but I’m refusing to look at the time. We spent some time at his mom’s house, but I was getting pretty uncomfortable and not in my “comfort zone,” so I wanted to get out of there. On the way home, I told Marcin that I thought we should skip the movie and just try to get some rest. I think we got home around 8 and tried to lay down. But the contractions were now getting significant and every 7 minutes. Given the whole day and the two false trips I’d already taken to the center, we were determined to wait until they were 4 minutes apart before doing anything else. By 9, I simply couldn’t lay down anymore. They were just too intense and I was needing to vocalize through them. Your daddy was doing an excellent job of giving me messages and putting pressure in other places to distract my attention from my uterus. I started to feel a lot of pressure and was trying to go to the bathroom so as to avoid any messiness while pushing you. Your dad decided it might be a good idea to put a towel on the bed, and literally on the next contraction, my water broke. It was a little after 10. I got to the toilet and the rest of my water came out. Marcin called the midwife and she told us to come right in. I didn’t even talk to her, but she probably heard me vocalizing through the contractions anyway. It was suddenly incredibly intense. I thought I needed to vomit, but I didn’t. The contractions seemed almost constant, but I did have enough time in between to get dressed and get into the car. It’s quite ironic that this was the exact situation that I had been trying to avoid… going through transition in the truck. But here we were, two and ½ years later in the exact same situation of driving down town while my contractions were every two minutes with very little time in between. I did all the classic, “Why am I doing this?” and other things you say when you’re in the middle of transition. Daddy called both grandmas. My mom said she would meet us down there. It was a very painful ride through pretty significant traffic at 11 pm on a Friday night. I did even think to myself how odd it was that so many people where out, dressed in their clubbing clothes to party for the night and I’m coming down in my husband’s t shirt, no bra, and disposable diapers asking God to help me through every second because I thought I was going to lose my mind. Weird that I could even have that thought at the time. I specifically remember one girl’s sequined strapless shirt. Anyway, there was no where to park near the center, so your daddy just jumped the curb and parked on the side walk. There was no way I was walking several blocks in that condition. Your daddy got me in there and I just landed on the bed sideways and didn’t want to move. The midwife checked me and I was 9 ½ cm dilated. One more contraction and I was a 10 and started pushing immediately. After just a couple pushes, they could already see the head. I reached down and could feel a bit of your head. I was trying very carefully to listen to the midwife’s instructions of when to blow and not push so to minimize any tearing. With Nadia, I had been pushing so long I just didn’t care, but this time, since it had only been 15 minutes or so, I really tried to follow the instructions. I couldn’t believe how soon your head was born. Again, there was a little trouble with your shoulders, but nothing like with Nadia. But I certainly did have to push your shoulders out. Then, there you were. Right up onto my belly, all blue and squishy. They rubbed you a bit and you started crying. Oh, I was so happy to see you and to be done with all that labor! Then we turned you over to see what you were. A Boy! I really couldn’t believe it. We had a boy! My mom and sister arrived sometime around then, right after you were born. They hadn’t even clamped your cord yet. I was trying to get the placenta out and I handed you over to your dad. Again, I had to push pretty hard to get that placenta out and again, I had some trailing membranes. Not as bad as with Nadia, but still not the ideal. The midwife had to “tease” them out, which is not a fun experience. After than I needed two small stitches. Then I could hold you again and try to get you to nurse. You were born at 11:35 and you had APGARs of 8 and 9. They weighed you in at 9 lbs 12 oz and 22 inches long. You were certainly a big boy! We finally got all situated in bed and slept for a while, getting our temps and BP checked periodically. Around 9 in the morning, your daddy went to go get your big sister so that she could meet you. Nadia did very well meeting you for the first time and seemed to be quite well informed about you. I was very happy that we’d spent so much time talking about you and reading books about being a big sister. We were able to leave the center around 1 pm and your Babcia was there to meet you. She also took Nadia back home with her so that your daddy and I, as well as you, could get some more much needed sleep. It had been quite an exhausting 24 hours. But so worth it. I am so happy to meet you, little one and am looking forward to figuring out how to mother a boy-child. There are already some differences… what do you do that with that penis??? J But I love you so much. Thanks for coming here and choosing me as your mother. I hope I can be the mother that you need and deserve.

Love you,

Mommy

Is it or isn't it?

2008-09-18T22:53:00.001-07:00

Here is an update based on the pregnancy journal I've been keeping for this little one:
Well, sweetheart, it’s about 1:30 am in the morning of the 19th. This has been such a wacky ride that I really am still not sure if you’re really on your way or not. If you’re not, I’m really not sure what I’m going to do. It seems you like to get most of your contractions in at night, so I’ve slept poorly for several nights in a row now. I’ve also been waiting for your daddy to come to bed as well, which has not helped, but he’s been very busy trying to cram in a bunch of projects so that they are done before you get here.
So, the story for today is that yesterday morning (feels like this morning b/c I haven’t slept yet) I thought my water broke. Or at least leaked. So, I wanted your daddy to stay home from work and I got ready to have a baby… I packed up remaining things, put on makeup, did my hair, etc. I was determined to look good having my second baby! Then we took your big sister to stay with your Mimi. We got some breakfast and went to see the midwives. However, when we got there around 10 am, she said that it was not my water. I was so disappointed and frustrated. I’m really ready to meet you and I’ve been wondering if each twinge or pain is “the real thing.” When she told me that it could still be a couple days, I just couldn’t take it and started crying. Mommy’s not much of a crier, but the lack of sleep and the disappointment were overwhelming at that point. She checked a couple more things and it was somewhat encouraging to hear that I had dilated another centimeter since Tuesday, but still only a “tight two.” So, we spent the rest of the day doing regular things. We tried to take a nap, but I’m not sure how much we slept. We went out to a nice dinner and came home around 8. Daddy put Nadia to bed starting at 9. I tried to get to sleep, but I just couldn’t. Daddy came to bed around 11 and I started having some more painful contractions about every 20 minutes. I was trying to relax and at least sleep between them, but I just couldn’t get comfortable. Then they started to get closer together – 10 minutes or so. They were pretty painful laying down, I decided to get up around 1 and see if changing positions would either make them go away or make them less painful. As of now, 1:45, I am still having them, but they are 10 or more minutes apart and a bit less painful. I guess I’ll give them some time and see if they get closer together or more intense and decide whether or not to try to go back to bed. But despite this not being the exact timing I would prefer, I’m ready to get the show on the road, so to speak. And by the way, I did pick up those diapers, so if that’s what you’ve been waiting on, they’re here. So, baby Waclawski two…. Come on down….literally.

Love you,

Mommy

Still Cookin'

2008-09-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yep, nothing going on baby-wise. More random contractions, but no real labor. Now the only two left in the running for date are Cindy (today) and Emily (the 21st). I really should have known. Despite how big I look or anything anyone has said, it remains true that N. was a whole 6 days late. Why should I expect to be a week or so early?
I'll keep you posted.
On a random side note, does anyone have any experience with your potty trained kid suddenly just not making it to the bathroom on time? N. has been potty trained for 5 months now, and it's like the novelty has worn off and it's not as cool to go potty. So, while she makes it in time to get the majority in the potty, we're going through 5 or 6 underwear changes a day... Very annoying.
Any ideas?

Rotten or over-ripe

2008-09-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so now I'm a brown banana. With mushy parts. A bruised peach. And I'm not even officially "overdue." I'm mostly irritated b/c I really thought labor was starting yesterday, but then the contractions went away. Then I got up at 3 this morning because of tiny bladder, and I had a few more which only succeeded in keeping my awake until 6 wondering when the next one was coming. And then they stopped. I didn't experience this with N. The day before she was born, I knew the contractions were different and that this was the real thing. I just had no idea how long it would last. This time, I feel like I can tell that they're "real" contractions, but they just come and go and aren't leading anywhere... frustrated.
Anyway, many of your predictions are now overdue, as a lot of people had me going early. If I manage to have the baby in the next 12 hours, that makes Mom and Karen tied for date... I think someone else has tomorrow: Shannon. I'm hoping to make one of you three the winner.

Ripe

2008-09-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

I feel like a slightly freckled banana, or a soft juicy peach. That perfect time to enjoy the sweetness of a fruit before it starts to go bad... I look like I swallowed a watermelon. My torpedo of a belly is no longer "cute." I forget how large it is and run it into things like walls and doors that my mind's eye thinks I should be able to clear, forgetting that there's a ridiculously large protusion in the abdominal area that isn't ususally there. I can no longer wear most any of my clothes. I am stuck rotating the 5 things that still fit. I am not sleeping well. Each change of position requires a complete awakening, and I cannot stay on one side because the respective hip will go numb. I am waddling. Exercising is increasingly challenging. I tie my tennis shoes on the sides because I cannot bend down to tie them in the middle. I can balance certain items on the top of my belly. My belly button does not exist. I have a few stretch marks around the spot where my belly button used to be. I am physically and mentally ready, though I still have a "to do" list that really does require some attention. I feel perfectly ripe. Yet, the calendar tells me there are 13 days left. Suddenly, 13 days seems like a long time, and not just around the corner. I think God's purposely made it so that women are uncomfortable at this time of the pregnancy to prepare us for the pain. The attitude becomes - get this thing out of me no matter what it takes! I'll keep ya'll posted. My earliest predition is Monday, the 8th...

Not enough wine for the whine

2008-08-14T09:14:00.001-07:00

Okay, meaning NO wine! Suddenly, my adorable two year old has learned the art of whining. How do they all learn this? Is it just inborn? Do we all come into this world and figure out that if we're super annoying, we just might get our way? It is really driving me batty. My personal favorite is when I pick her up from my aunt's and she immediately starts asking for juice. When I explain (for the 10,000th time) that I do not keep juice in the truck, that she can have some juice when we get home, I get an "Okay, Mommy." Immediately followed by, "Mommy, I want JUUUIIIIICCCCEEEEE!!!" Ignoring her doesn't work, telling her not to ask again doesn't work, telling her that if she asks again, she won't get any doesn't work... What does work?? When the request is reasonable and I don't mind saying yes, it can pretty quickly be remedied by asking her to repeat herself in her normal voice and to say please. However, if it is not something reasonable, it just goes on and on and on... Other than the obvious, "don't give in," anyone have any other good pointers. Remember she's about 2 1/2...

Baby Poll

2008-08-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday, I got my first prediction... my boss predicts I will be two weeks early. Which, horray! I would be all for. It also made me think it would be fun to put a baby poll together and see who gets the most correct answers. The prize may range from just bragging rights to something I might try to send you, but I'm not making any promises. Bragging rights go a long way...

Here would be the questions to answer:

Date
Time
Sex
Weight
Length

Some hints are the following: N. was 6 days late, 9 lbs, 2 oz., 23 inches long, born at 6:20 am. As of my last appointment, I am measuring exactly right (cm = weeks) and I've been 1 lb heavier than I was with N. for about a month now. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions for 2 weeks now and I've gotten some comments that I have "dropped" or am carrying lower in the past couple days. My "internet" due date is Sept. 13th and my midwive's assigned due date is Sept. 17th.
One response per person please.
Let the games begin.

34 weeks

2008-07-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been saying much about this pregnancy. I think I've been in some kind of weird haze that I have all the time in the world to get ready for this baby. However, the calendar is now talking back to me... It's saying things like, "7 weeks is LESS than 2 months. Two months go by in about a second these days." And, "There's no guarentee that this one will wait until it's due date. Those Braxton-Hicks contractions you're having already could well mean s/he could be early." Early. I can't possibly imagine. N. was a week late.
I think I finally took the hint over the weekend and busted out the newborn clothes and washed them all. I took inventory of what I need... certainly NOT sleepers, blankets or washcloths! Onsies and new bottles are on the list. I broke out the breast pump and made sure it was still funtioning after 18 months of retirement in the basement. I need some breastmilk bags. I borrowed a bassinet.
I am going to try really hard to keep this baby out of our bed, though part of me is really saddened by this. I feel like I'm not being fair. N. still sleeps with us for a few hours in the wee sma's. I feel like our bond is so strong partially because of the co-sleeping. But the other part of my brain reminds me how annoying it is to try to sleep with a toddler. How annoying it is to take up to an hour to get her to sleep at night. Ahh, but should my annoyance alter my instincts? I really don't know. Practically, though, there's just not any more room in our bed! I couldn't possibly have a newborn in our bed with a 2 year old. Somebody is bound to roll off.
Then there's N. herself! I really think this is going to be a difficult transition for her, despite all the talk we are always doing about the baby. Where the baby will sleep, how the baby will eat, how she can help with the baby, that the baby will come out of mommy's belly, etc. She's all enthusiastic until I say things like, "these are the baby's clothes," and I get, "No, Mine!" Or, "this is the baby's bed", "No, MINE!" But mostly, I worry about her having to share me. She still strongly prefers mommy for everything and will often throw insane, untypical tantrums if daddy does things instead (putting her to bed, giving her a bath, etc.) So, while I know it will all work out in the end, I'm trying to prepare myself for some unusual behavior from her in the first couple weeks. I've been trying to get to the bookstore to pick up some recommended reading for preparing for a sibling, but haven't made it there yet... and the clock keeps ticking...

SYTYCD

2008-07-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is a little late, being as how the finale for "So You Think You Can Dance" is only 2 weeks away, but while I have been watching, I haven't been as into the dancers this year. Their personal stories just don't seem as interesting and I think the dancing was better last year. Plus, I'm bummed that Karrington was eliminated instead of Comfort. It seems like Comfort's going to be around for a while, even though I really don't think she deserves to be. But she's apparently popular. I do have to admit that she is definitely more interesting than a lot of the other girl contenstents, but I just don't think she's a better dancer.
And I really don't think any of the guys are on par with guys from previous seasons. They get the job done, but they just don't really grab your attention...
What are other people's thoughts on this season??

Highway Driving Survey

2008-06-26T09:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, so you're going 70 in a 55 mph zone in the left lane and passing many cars in the right lane. Some maniac comes up behind you tailgaiting. It's pretty trafficy. What do you do?
1) Immediately get over into the right lane, even though that traffic is going slower than 70
2) Wait until you've passed several cars and the right land is clear and then get over
3) Drive faster - no one's gonna show you up
4) Drive slower - teach that jerk a lesson
5) Do nothing, keep going. You are going 15 miles over the speed limit anyway...

Gardening

2008-06-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to get to this post for a while, but I kept forgetting to take pictures.

Here is my garden about a week after I planted it in late May:

It contains: 12 tomato plants (3 different kinds), green peppers, jalopeno peppers, habenaro peppers, cayenne peppers, brazilian hot wax peppers, another kind of pepper I don't remember, onions, green beans, cucumbers, squash and zuchinni. It will be a mother-load, particularly of peppers, if all goes well. Here are some close ups:

We also have three rows of raspberry bushes, a blueberry tree and a wild patch of black berries that I'm trying to tame a bit this year. I also tossed 3 strawberry plants in with the black berry patch and am wishing them good luck, but they may not make it. One did have a strawberry on it, but I haven't been attending to them very carefully.
Since these pictures were taken, there's been a lot of growth. The squash and zuchinni are going crazy. I'm hoping I gave them enough room. There are lots of tiny peppers everywhere and the tomatoes are flowering. I'm crossing my finger on the tomatoes because I've planted them every year (4 now) and I don't think I've ever gotten a full size ripe tomato. Something always seems to happen to them and they either don't grow or they never ripen. I've been wanting my own tomatoes to make salsa with and I even planted some cilantro as well, in a planter with basil. Both of those are doing well. So, I'm crossing my fingers for a great yield of veggies. It will be a nice little offset to my grocery bill... that I can put towards gas. :(

Much anticipated; much disappointed

2008-06-10T09:14:00.001-07:00

I honestly can't believe I'm about to write this, but I was indeed disappointed with the Over the Rhine show last Friday. Perhaps I had too much enthusiasm going into it, but that enthusiasm was based on the past 20 times I've seen OTR live... It's always a good time.
To be fair, part of the problem was certainly the venue and the lack of communication about whether or not there would be an opener and the fact that apparently they had to be off the stage by 8 something in order for the club to set up for, well, clubbing. So, when we showed up at 7:20 expecting to see the end of the opening act, we were surprised to find that we'd already missed 5 songs. Then, shockingly, they were off the stage shortly after 8. We only got to see them for about an hour. Perhaps not something to blame the band for, but disappointing nonetheless.
In terms of what we did get to see, there were definitely some different takes on a few songs, such as Ohio, with a lot heavier drum and guitar. Which was cool. But I kind of thought the drummer was a little over the top. I thought the 10 minute (at least it seemed like 10 minutes) drum solo was a bit indulgent and I felt like he was rushing some of the songs to the point where Karin was looking at him frequently with what appeared to me as a somewhat panicked look. Some other people were saying it wasn't mixed well. I'm don't have a good enough ear for that sort of thing, but it certainly wasn't the best they've sounded. I did like the songs they did choose to play and enjoyed them, but it was all just way too short for the $20 admission. I did enjoy seeing them from up above the stage. It was cool to see the ease at which Linford plays those keyboards. And just more of the overall interaction between all the band members.
So, a little bummed about it, but still a big fan. Hope the next show's better!

OTR finally!

2008-06-04T09:37:00.001-07:00

The Over the Rhine concert that I was so excited about in March is now only 2 short days away! An added bonus is that I just found out that greg and and Shannon will also be there. I'm really curious as to what this show is going to be like. It's been over two years since I saw them last, and ironically, I'm pregnant again. No wine to accompany the music. :( I'll survive.
This is a new venue for them in Pittsburgh. I've seen them at the old Rosebud and tiny Club Cafe, but not at Diesel. I've been in Diesel twice and wasn't much of a fan. Additionally, like I mentioned before, I find this current CD - Trumpet Child - to be a step away from what I'm used to from OTR. It was the first CD from them that I practically had to force myself to listen to and it took me quite some time to really get into some of the songs. I realize that artists need to change and try to things to keep from getting bored, but at the same time, a fan wants to have an idea of what they're getting. It kind of reminds me of some of Pearl Jam's later records... you rushed out to get them only to wonder... Is this Pearl Jam??
Anyway, I'll be sure to give you all a post concert review.

Leaving it hanging

2008-05-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

Well, sorry to make a big announcement and then disappear for a month. May was a hectic one. We went to FL for vacation and then I had some business trips to take and M. had a huge project going on at work that was keeping him 12 hours/day. It was all crazy. Add nasty weather to the mix and you had one grumpy household.
Baby is doing well though. We had some relaxing time over the holiday weekend and I got a chance to do some belly watching. You know the kind where you just watch protusions roll across your belly and big kicks and punches poking out here and there. At 23 weeks, they are very obvious now. I'm trying to get N. to sit still long enough to feel or see something, but despite all her talk of the "baby in Momma's belly," I'm still not sure she quite gets the concept. I have another appointment in 2 weeks. I'm anxious to hear what they have to say about the cyst that was found during my ultrasound and about the sudden weight gain. I had similiar weight gain with N.'s pregnancy, but it still feels extreme to gain 10 lbs in a month. I'm still working out pretty regularly, but the weight seems to have come very quickly and suddenly. I'm getting concerned that I'll be quite larger with this pregnancy and I'm scared about it. I'm also concerned that this is going to be a giant baby that requires a hospital delivery. I think I'm going to have to start doing some soul searching to come to terms with my fear of hospitals and doctors if this is going to go in that direction.
I'm also getting really worried about how N. is going to handle this transition. N. is very much a momma's girl. I don't know if it's because M. spent 5 months last year in Philly or if it's just a strong attachment, but "momma" has to do everything. Baths, bedtime, book reading, bathroom trips, etc. It gets very old when there's another person who can take on these functions and she just refuses to go/do/allow that person to help. So, any suggestions on that would be helpful.

I plan on some posting some garden pics soon and would love some more garden talk with those who do it!

Introductions are in order

2008-05-01T09:15:00.000-07:00

Howdy,

I'd like to introduce you to Baby Number Two:

So, yes, I've been keeping a little secret for about 20 weeks. I am due September 17th. We are very excited about our new addition and trying to prepare N. This time neither M. or I found out the sex. We are all about surprises. Well, I am all about surprises. Marcin would have preferred to find out, but since he found out last time, I asked him to do it my way this time. Everything looks good for the baby. I do have a largeish cyst on one of my ovaries that may require some attention after the birth, but nobody seemed too concerned about it. Though I have to say when the doctor walked in after the ultrasound, I was rather freaked out. But all's good for now. I may have to have another one if they're concerned about the cyst or if they think this baby is much larger than N. They may want me to give birth at the hospital if this baby is huge. I'm crossing my fingers that we stay under 10 pounds!

What kind of mom are you?

2008-04-22T09:35:00.001-07:00

Came across this quiz:
http://www.redbookmag.com/home/mom-personality-quiz

I'm an LOL mom, what are you?

potty training update

2008-04-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so after quite a bit of panic about how to leave the house with a quasi-potty trained 25 month old, I just figured I'd have to just do it and cross my fingers. I was prepared with extra clothes, papertowels and a lot of deodorant (on me-i really get stressed about publically embarrassing situations), and so we ventured to two different stores last Friday. No accidents. Since then, we've been braver and braver, trying a couple restaurants, etc. So far so good, though we are frequenting public bathrooms and I'm doing my best to be as germ proof as I can. As we are now well into the second week, we have very few daytime accidents and mostly dry naps. For the past 4 nights, we've had two dry and two wet. I'm still putting a diaper on her for naps and nighttime, though I may start skipping the naps soon...
I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was. It was really just one full day of the constant trips followed by Dorito rewards... after that, she pretty much tells me when she needs to go or if it's been a long time, I will ask her. I know some kids/people have a really hard time, and I certainly did not have success when I tried earlier. But I don't know that this makes me some kind of potty training expert. I think I just happened to pick a good time when she was ready and happened to have some doritos in the house... Seriously, I really don't think it would have happened if I had tried to reward her with, say, raisins or cheerios. It needed to be something decidedly wicked. :)

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty

2008-04-10T09:41:00.000-07:00

Anyone as obsessed with OTR as I am will know the song Poopsmith... so maybe that's only greg. Anyway, I find myself singing it a lot lately, as we've been working on potty training at my house. I really find potty training to be a very bizarre thing. It just seems weird that for the first two or so years of your life, you just have no idea when substances are oozing out of your body. N. is two years and almost one month. We've been flirting with potty training for a while now, occasionally getting out the "big girl" pants and sitting on the potty, etc. For the most part, it's been met with a little enthusiasm and a lot of little puddles on the hardwod. I don't know how people with carpet ever have kids. Sidenote. Anyway, so this Monday, I was thinking we'd give it another little experiment to see if she was ready. She got lots of juice, and after a successful peepee, she got the only thing I had handy - a dorito chip (cool ranch). Well, I don't know if it was just "time" or if it was the fact that every successful potty trip resulted in a previously forbidden food, but wa-lah... we almost have a potty trained little girly on our hands. She's still having the occasional accident, but she'd doing well at daycare as well and only has one or two accidents per day. She still naps and sleeps in a diaper that are wet when she wakes up. I really have no idea how to go about the whole sleep potty training... suggestions? But nonetheless, it was relatively painless. However, now, I'm faced with the challenge of GOING SOMEWHERE with a non-diaper clad frequent pee-er. How does one do this? Travel with a roll of papertowels and extra clothes? What do you do in a public bathroom?? I'm petrified to leave the house. We will absolutely have to venture out tomorrow to go to the grocery store and I'm just at a loss... Ideas? Experience??
And the most ironic thing is?? I just spend $40.00 on a huge 4 pack of diapers at Sam's club... that's 156 diapers! I'm sure we'll get into some of them for night time/naptime, but still!

Disappointed

2008-03-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

It turns out that Linford's father recently passed away and so their concert has been postponed until June. June! That's very far away. I'm bummed out, but what can you do. I hope Linford is doing okay. Apparently, it was sudden.

And since I'm talking about death, there was a period of time a couple weeks ago where I just felt surrounded by mortality. There were several health issues going on around me - a coworker died in a car accident, a co worker's mother had to have emergency brain surgery, my uncle's health had taken another bad turn, an ex-coworker's premature infant didn't make it. And it all happened at the same time and gave me cause to think... Do I really realize that every.single.day is a gift? How much do I take my health for granted? Can you really live as if every day may be your last? Because nobody knows what tomorrow brings. All of our plans, even the little ones, are a bit of arrogance. I need to be grateful. I need to make the moments count. That message is an old one. And easily forgotten. Every breath is a gift.

Can it be?

2008-03-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Spring? Is today truly the first day of spring? It is mostly cloudy and 37 degrees. Today doesn't feel much like spring. But this past Monday, I really came down with a bad case of spring fever. While it wasn't very warm, it was bright and sunny and I had noticed some little green things shooting out of the leaf matted beds, so I got out the old rake and this is what I found:

Ahhh. It is almost over! I'm one of those people who get a touch of seasonal depression. My moods lift drastically once spring is in the air, and let me tell you, these little green shoots really got me going. I love to watch plants grow. I come from a family of green thumbs, but so far, mine is only a tinge green. I'm working on it. I've had gardens for the past three years with some success (I seem to grow thriving green, jalapeno and habenaro peppers but suck at tomatoes.) and we have berry plants on our property that I've learned to trim and coax to produce more fruit. But I haven't really tried to do much with flowers. All the landscaping at our house is courtesy of my dad. It's actually an interesting story. My dad and aunt grew up in a house that actually in the same area as where we all still live. We lived there for a while when I was a kid. Somehow or another, my dad has managed to move around ivy, myrtle, daffadils, tiger lilies, hostas, and various other plants to different houses as we've all moved so that everyone has plants that originated from that first house. It's really kind of crazy that now at least 5 houses have been landscaped for the plants that he originally transplanted from his childhood home.

Anyway, suffice it to say, I am really excited for spring and for some rays of beautiful sunlight! Happy Easter!

Stoked

2008-03-08T07:59:00.001-08:00

You may recall from a couple of my initial posts that M. and I (we are sure to soon indoctrinate N.) are huge fans of Over the Rhine. We are so stoked that we are going to get to see them live in Pittsburgh in three weeks. I don't think we've seen them live since December '05 in Columbus. Between a baby and them not coming to PA, we just haven't had the opportunity. I'm very curious to see which songs from the new CD - Trumpet Child, they perform live. Like greg said, it is a sexy little album and I often still see Karin as somewhat of a shy performer. I think she's much less shy then she used to be, but I have a hard time seeing her sing, "red wine on my lips, I got this black silk slip on my hips" to anyone but Linford. We shall see. Perhaps they'll just sing the more polical songs from that album. Has anyone else seen them since Trumpet Child came out? They actually coming sooner, but they're opening for Ani DeFranco. I wouldn't mind seeing her too, but those tickets are much more expensive and I'm not that familiar with Ani's stuff to make it worth it. I'm one of those people that like to know all or most of an artists material before going to a show. I don't obnoxiously sing along the whole time, but I do want to know the songs and what the lyrics are. I'm really big into lyrics. Often more than the music. To me, a song might be really cool musically, but if the lyrics are weird or don't make sense, it will often ruin the song for me.
A bit of a tanget. Anyway, I'll be sure to write a review of the show and let you all know how it was... in the mean time, if anyone's seen them recently, let me know what you thought.

Emergency Response

2008-02-29T04:54:00.000-08:00

So, Megan was writing about when to teach your kids to dial 9-1-1 and also about "escape plans." Call me paranoid, but I've always been one to try to think of ways to escape danger from where ever I am... Say, what if this bridge collapses? Make sure to open your window right away on the way down so you don't get trapped with the air pressure! What if someone jumps out of the woods at me as I am running on the trail? Kick groin! Scream loudly! Stab him with your keys! One of my personal favorites was when I was running at GCC on the back road by the corn fields. A couple of times I saw hunters out there with guns and my escape plan was... run! run into the corn fields! They will never find you there...
But none of this compares to last summer, when M. was in Philly all week long and I was sleeping at home by myself every night. We had already been trying to train N. to sleep in her own bed, but when he wasn't home, that quickly went out the window. How in the world would I be able to grab her out of her bed and get out of the house if someone broke in? So, she slept with me and I had visions of jumping out windows and sprinting across my large yard, as if I would be able to get to the neighbors house before a band of robbers would catch up with us... simply irrational. Fortunately, we live in a ranch, so fires and such aren't so scary. Just jump out a window; it's two feet.
So, anyway Meg, yes, I have many emergency plans, I'm just not sure how many of them are remotely realistic!

DWTS

2008-02-20T09:32:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else positively giddy over the return of "Dancing with the Stars" (DWTS)? After the writer's strike, I'm really sick of watching reruns of everything and I love DWTS, though I'm even more excited for summer and "SYTYCD." You should know what that stands for if you like dancing shows. However, I have to say, I'm a little bummed about the contestents this time around: http://tv.msn.com/tv/gallery.aspx?gallery=17251&GT1=7703
Other than Kristi Yamaguchi (figure skater), I really don't know any of the contestents. But if I have to make an early prediction, I like the thought of Kristi vs. Cristián de la Fuente . Don't know anything about him, but boy, is he smokin' hot. I like a dark looking man. Strange how I married a blonde Polish man... :)

Domestic

2008-02-19T09:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm not the most domestic person. I don't decorate, I don't do "crafty" things, I barely keep my house presentable and manage to get clothes in drawers and food on tables. I think this is partially because I work outside the house, but it's also not my forte. I don't enjoy most "domestic" things. I cook a lot of the same meals over and over... So, over the weekend, after having some Chinese take out, I decided to look through the cookbook to see how hard it would be to make my own Sweet and Sour chicken.
Let me first say this about most recipes, who has all that stuff in their house? Cooking a variety of meals must mean that you have a variety of foods in your house, and I just don't. Since I don't meal plan (my first fault, I know), there's not a chance that I just happen to have, say, a few leeks lying around in my fridge. So, I get frustrated when I try to be creative and then discover that a special shopping trip would be in store if I wanted to make anything other than stirfry, spaghetti or grilled chicken. (Yes, you all feel bad for my poor hubby... believe me, he doesn't starve.)
That aside, I was pleasantly surprised that the only "weird" thing that I would need to make sweet and sour chicken was a can of pinapples! No strange spices that I'd never heard of, no weird vegtables, just a can of pinapples. On top of that, talk about easy, breezy... this was a very simple recipe. I was thinking that it would be kind of bland because there's really nothing in it, and we tend to like spicier foods, but it turned out delicious and it will graduate to the rotation. If you're interested in the recipe, let me know. If you know other simple, use what you have in your kitchen type recipes, please send them my way!

On Blogging

2008-02-13T09:06:00.000-08:00

You know, I'm surprised at how lazy I am at this blogging thing. When I was pregnant with Nadia, I was so disappointed that I never got to start an online pregnancy journal because I thought I would write something all the time. When I started this blog, I thought I would write all the time. But I just find myself not having a whole lot to talk about that I would deem internet worthy. Life is so lifey right now. Just regular day in, day out type stuff. I could tell you all the horrid details of an awful flu bug we all go last week, but let's face it, how interesting is, "we are sick. very very sick. do not visit if in the area." That is the most eventful thing that has happened lately. Oh, and we bought Nadia a toddler bed that we are *unsuccessfully* attempting to sleep train her in. So far, I think she's been in there, by herself, a combined total of 2 hours since Sunday. Yeah, it going that well. Any co-sleepers out there that have advice on getting a 2 year old to sleep in her own bed, please comment. And so, that's it. And yet, I will take it. I will take life being lifey. Because, while stuff happening can be exciting, it can also be traumatic. I'll take the quiet days...

Reflections on 30

2008-01-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

Yes, yes, tomorrow I turn the big 3-0. It's old, thirty is. It's give or take, 1/3 of your life. And yet, I feel so young. Like I'm still just beginning. That I have so much in front of me, so much to look forward to, so much to do... so much GOOD to do. Yet, thirty years of my life have already come and gone. What have I done? What have I accomplished? Whose life have I had an impression on? I think I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I have to decide if I'm going to continue to chase money or if I'm going to chase Jesus. I think I'm ready to make the right choice. To spend my time loving people. To be a more complete mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend. Maybe someday add teacher and mentor to those descriptions. Things are just things. It's nice to have things. But then you just want more things. And the more things you have, the more time you have to spend working to pay off those things. It's a vicious cycle. My wise paster once said, "the more you own, the more it owns you." I hope I've learned this already. It would be nice to learn this now and not in 20 years when I'm more than halfway through life and realize that the only legacy I might leave behind is how to get things. I want to have a legacy of love. Grace. Helpfulness. Charity. I want to live these things for my children. So they see first hand how to live like Jesus did. Am I setting myself up for failure? Of course. I am not perfect. But I want to be better. And that's the difference.

In an attempt for Christmas redemption

2007-12-31T05:39:00.001-08:00

Yeah, so I looked at a lot of the Christmas blogs linked from Megan's site and I felt compelled to redo my Christmas entry, though it be post haste. We had a nice Christmas despite my somewhat melancholy entry before. I think it was somewhat of a healing Christmas as well, for M.

So, let's start with a picture. This is our tree on Christmas Eve.

You can't really see the lights because I used a flash, but they are small multicolored. Yes, we always do multicolor on the tree, and I prefer blinking. There's nothing I like better than in the few days before Christmas, sitting in the living room with all the lights off, and just watching the Christmas tree lights blink and reflecting on the year and life. Sadly, I was too busy to do that this year. More on that to come sometime soon... when I'm less busy.

Here is Nadia on Christmas Eve in her Christmas dress at my cousin Liam's house. We always do my dad's family on Christmas Eve and it was a very nice time. The girls all arrived early to cook: various soups, breads, salads and desserts. Oh, and wine... lots of wine.

Then, Christmas morning, we woke up when Nadia did... 8:30! Nice! We opened our presents around the tree.

There's about 200 pictures of this part of the day, so I'll spare you! Take note of N's hair though. Here's a better one:

Then at 10 am we head over to mom and dad's for Christmas breakfast. A tradition that started when M. and I got married. It was threatened this year b/c my mom's getting tired of making 2 big meals on Christmas day, but it's M.'s favorite part of Christmas (the quiche!) so my sister lobbied hard for it. Here's the table before we pigged out:

As you can see, I do not inherit my hatred for decorating from my mother:

And here's mom and N. by the tree:

And since the natives are now getting restless, I'll sum the rest up quickly. After breakfast, we share family gifts and this goes on for quite some time, despite the fact that every year we say it'll be a slim one. The girls then go and prepare Christmas dinner while the boys play with their toys. This year, they all went outside and hit golf balls around with J.'s new clubs. We had a wonderful ham and scalloped potatoes dinner and then M, N and I left to prepare yet another meal for his mom. It was kind of a stressed, weird way to end the day, but it was something that we needed to do, and it was good. Though we were both working hard to actually get more food down...

So, that was our Christmas, and it was nice. I'm hoping next year I won't spend the whole week before Christmas in another part of the country and I'll have more time to create a more festive atmostphere in our home, but in the end, this turned out just right.

Christmas

2007-12-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so Megan linked us all up on her blog, so I feel obligated to put something up here about Christmas at our house... Um, low key might be the best way to describe us, albeit L.A.Z.Y. might be more accurate. So, yes, I finally did get a little tree up last weekend, but I haven't gotten all the decorations on it. However, I've been in Kentucky all week on business and just haven't had much time. I will also hang our stockings. And, well, that will be it until I wrap last minute presents to put around the tree. Basically, I stink at this stuff. I don't like to decorate. I have a hard time getting super motivated about Christmas because I'm married to Scrooge... not in the miserly way, but just the "bah-humbug" way. There's a lot of history behind that situation that would take a shrink years to unpack. So I just leave it where it is and try to make the best of the holidays, especially now that we have a kid. But it's just a bad combination of my procrastination and his humbug.
A few things that I do always do, however, is Christmas baking with my mom and sister and now, daughter. We did that 2 weeks ago and had a pretty nice time. We also always go shopping for my mom with my dad very near Christmas when we go downtown to see all the department store windows, etc. I'm looking forward to that on Saturday.
I would add a few pics to this, but I'm in KY w/o a camera...
So, Merry Christmas to all.

Together again

2007-11-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so i started this post a while ago about how M. is now back from Philly, but it somehow turned into a b*tch fest about all the things that annoy me about him. So, i scrapped it. Must have been having a bad day. So, anyway, back to the crux of the matter... our family is back together again. And it is nice. Granted, there were some habits formed on both our parts while we were away that we now have to un-learn, but i guess that was to be expected. But it's so nice to have someone who's home with you every night and who helps do all those millions of daily chores and takes care of the car stuff, etc. Not to mention sleeping in the same bed again... before you get too crazy thinking about that, N. still sleeps with us. Every night. All night. Usually with her head on my chest/belly and her feet on M. It has not been very condusive to fulfilling her newest obsession with babies, if you know what i mean.
So, it's good. We're working on getting back into a routine. M. starts a new job on Monday, so i guess getting into a routine will have to wait until then. He's really excited about this new position and really thinks it will be a huge career boost. i really hope so, for both our sakes.
N. is on the brink of talking, i think. The last two weeks have seen a sudden increase in words. i was starting to get concerned because she really didn't have very many words, despite everyone telling me that it was no big deal. But lately, we've gotten, "more," "juice," "light, ""cat," "doggie," "bad,"to add to the old momma, dadda, football. She has been sick for the last 3 weeks and her ears are still getting infected. i'm really frustrated by this because we barely got through last winter without tubes, and if she's start this already, i'm afraid we won't get through this winter. She was supposed to grow out of it. Anyone else been through this? All your kids are at home, so probably not... it's all those daycare germs. Sigh.
Anyway, that's what's been going on out this way. Not terribly exciting, i know!

My Rocky Relationship with Christian Music

2007-10-26T10:51:00.000-07:00

So, prior to starting college, my knowledge of Christian music consisted of Sandi Patti, Twilla Paris and Amy Grant. At the time, I was into Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins and Tori Amos. Thus, my assessment of Christian music was... G.A.Y. A lot of things changed in my life that first semester of college... I quit smoking and drinking and got a bit more serious about my then stagnant relationship with God. I have to give a big shout out to Kate, Shannon, Megan, and my roommates at the time for a lot of this transformation. Thanks guys! That aside, I CLUNG to my music. I went to see Smashing Pumpkins and Tori Amos that semester. Both totally rockin' amazing shows. Loved it. But as I eased into a new life, I started to hear some Christian music that wasn't so G.A.Y. First, enter Over the Rhine. I played basketball that year and missed the concert, but my roommate came back with the CD, "Good Dog, Bad Dog," which she proceeded to play on repeat for several weeks straight. Which, believe it or not, did not become annoying. It's THAT GOOD. But you don't necessarily categorize OTR as "Christian." They are Christians, but their music is good music without the evangelism or worship bent. At least most songs. But it was a start in that direction. I can't really recall the order that came after that, but I was shortly thereafter enjoying Third Day, Caedmon's Call, DC Talk, the Waiting, Sixpence None the Richer, among others... and let's not exclude a little band called Opus Dei.
At any rate, while I invited a whole new genre of music into my life, I never really lost my love of the old stuff, the "secular" stuff. And I never really felt a "conviction" that it was wrong. I didn't break any CD's or take them all into to a used CD store. They sat somewhat dormat for a little while, but they didn't die. And as I left college, many of them found their way back into my repetoire. At some point, I went on a Christian music funk again. Everything just started sounding the same. I've never been a big fan of listening to "worship" music for fun. To me, it rather cheapens it. I only stayed in touch with OTR and Third Day. I breathe OTR and Third Day satisfies the Eddie Vedder lover in me. I wonder if Mac cares? And that's were I've been since 2000.
Recently, my husband insisted we get Sirius for his old car, since it didn't have a CD player. But then he got a new car. The new car isn't equipped to handle the Sirius situation, so guess what? I am the not so proud new owner of a Sirius radio thingy. Sirius 66 is the Christian music channel that I've spent some time listening to lately. It has piqued my interest back into Christian music. There are some new (to me) artists that I like... Casting Crowns, for one.
They're kind of rocky and the guy has a nice deep raspy kind of voice. And there's lots of the old favorites. Surprisingly, though, they play A LOT of songs from when I was in college. Lots of songs that were new then and are, apparently, still popular? They play lots from DC Talk's "Jesus Freak," lots of familiar Caedmon's Call, Third Day, etc. And I'm just curious... has Christian music been stagnant for the last 7 years? Why? Has the trend been to go the "worship" music route? It's sort of like when I turn on the local "alternative" rock station in Pittsburgh and all they play is mid '90's Pearl Jam, Nirvana, STP and Smashing Pumpkins... I'm right at home. Same here. Aside from occasional new songs, frequently from the same artists, it's so much stuff that I'm familiar with from 8 years ago... What gives?

Eighteen Months

2007-10-02T09:52:00.001-07:00

My little girl is getting so big. Her 18 month "birthday" was a couple weeks ago, and so, of course, we had a photo shoot. This was one of my favorites (though both grandmothers did not like it...). She is a very active toddler. A very physical child. While she definitely has her "girly" moments - she loves shoes and wants to play with my make up and get her hair brushed - she seems to me to be very boyish in many of her activities. She loves to wrestle with Moe, including playing tug of war with his sticks, she jumps and rolls all over me, she runs strollers into people, never cries when she gets hurt, climbs on everything, frequently tries to remover her shirt and is just ... rough. And I love it. While I have accepted more and more "girlness" in myself in my most recent years (I will now wear pink!), I spent a lot of my life being a tomboy. Playing sports, being outside, understanding football. One of my fears in having a girl was that I'd somehow end up with a really prissy "girly-girl." And who knows, N. could still go that route, and I hope I'll be able to deal with it if it happens. But for now I'm more than happy to be mothering a pretty "rough and tough" girl!
Other developmental notes: She still isn't talking. And even the few words that she used to say before, she stopped. But she can obviously understand me. I can give her pretty complicated directions and, if she's in the mood, she can follow them completely. She can walk down pretty big steps by herself, eats like a horse, loves meat, eats more fruit that seems possible (though she also has plenty of poopy diapers), seems to be starting to understand what the potty is and that she needs her diaper changed, still sleeps with us, but that's a long story, wears 2T clothes and size 6 1/2 shoes. I really don't even know how many teeth she has and I don't even know how many teeth toddlers get. But she's got tons and has for a long time. She likes to brush her teeth too. She's doing a lot of mimicing and just recently started getting really jealous if M. is home and we're together a distance away. If we're hugging or something, she gets mad and wants to get me away from him. Not sure what that's about... So, there's an update on my beautiful girl!

Weird Pet Peeves

2007-09-25T09:18:00.001-07:00

Okay, I don't know who reads this anymore, except Megan, but I need to get that depressing post down and this is the best I can come up with... a list of my weird pet peeves... so here goes:
1) Leaving time on the microwave if you don't go all the way to the beep. What's so hard about hitting "clear" so the time comes back up??
2) Not replacing toiletpaper when it runs out... but on top of that... getting a new roll and just perching it on top of the new roll. What gives? I have timed it... it takes 5 seconds to replace the roll and throw the old one into the trash.
3) Grocery store check out clerks that throw your handpicked veggies/fruit down the belt as if they are bowling.
4) People that use the self check out lines at the grocery store and have NO IDEA what they are doing.
5) People who think it's okay to touch my kid. what the heck? do you want me to grab your face??
6) Inadequate paper supplies at a table when you are out to eat. Hello, I have an 18 month old here. How many times do i need to ask for a few more napkins. Bring me 20 to start with!
7) Disgusting kids meal options at most restaurants. Why do people think little ones need to a plateful of fried food? And we wonder why there's an obesity problem in our culture.
8) Receiving an invitation word of mouth. Come on people! I have a phone number, an address and an email account. Get in touch with me yourself or don't expect me to be there.
9) Big birthday parties for little kids... It has been determined among my immediate family that our kids will only get "big" parties for 1, 10, 13(maybe) and 16. Other than that, it's a quiet family dinner.
10) Political conversations where no one is going to change anyone else's mind.

So, to anyone out there who still reads, what are your top 10 peeves?

Autumn upon us

2007-09-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I'm a little sad this year that it's September. I ususally greet fall with a great deal of enthusiasm. Fall has been my favorite time of year for a very long time. Fall means sweaters and jeans and football and leaves and apples and cider and hay and pumpkins. And did I mention football? I love all of those things. But this year, I feel like I wasted the summer. I didn't get out there enough. I didn't go swimming with my daughter enough. I didn't enjoy long, warm nights outside enough. I didn't tend the garden enough. I didn't take advantage of a mostly mild summer as much as I should have. So, I'm a little sad that it's over and it is time to move on to fall activities. Much of it has to do with my current living situation. I think I've spent a lot of time huddled around a laptop waiting for emails that I could have spend enjoying the great outdoors. Sigh. Three and a half months into this and it just sucks. Oddly, I've grown somewhat used to it, but lately, I've been having unexpected crying jags and periods of melancholy that I'd somehow escaped earlier. We've decided the end is near. We are making some radical plans, but it will work out. It always does. Do you ever look back at a situation that you thought was really impossible and with the passage of time you realize it was not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things? I've had that happen a lot and I'm trying to learn from it. This too shall pass.
My other source of meloncholy is related to my grandmother on my dad's side being put into a home because of her Alzheimer's. This makes me really, very sad. It is a sadness that I can't quite explain because it is not as if I have been or ever was super close to my grandmother. She's had a hard life and she's a rather bitter woman now, but she was always nice to me. i have many fond childhood memories of her. I just feel very badly that she'll be locked up in a home by herself. She is still aware enough to know who people are and I feel that she will take the transition very badly and become even more bitter towards my dad and aunt for making this decision. I am afraid that people, including myself, will get busy with their own lives and just forget about her. And the worst of it is that, to my knowledge, she does not know Jesus. I fear that putting her in the place will dramatically enhance her disease and her mind will be too far gone to be able to make that decision. Alzheimer's is a really terrible disease. I don't know if it runs in any one else's family who reads this. But if it does, I would really encourage you to read up on the disease, the warning signs, and how to fight it, because it is incredibly horrible to see someone whose body is still very healthy, but there mind is just disappearing. They become a shell of a human.
I really had no intention of writing about that, but it just came out. Sorry for the downer...

SYTYCD - THE END

2007-08-22T08:58:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm all bummed out today. For the past several weeks, Wednesday nights have been So you think you can dance nights. I looked forward to them immensely, which is somewhat sad, but in my current situation, I think its acceptable. But, alas, the finale was last week. And I have to say that I was pleased with the outcome. I knew that Danny and Sabre would be the two finalists. I was sort of rooting for Danny because I just think he was awesome, though Sabre was also very good. I was relieved that Lacey didn't win because I just felt like she had an attitude the whole time and I really dislike arrogance. So, I have to say, I'm glad Sabre won. I think she deserved it and I think it helps that a girl won!

Body Image Woes

2007-08-15T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have really hit a low in my lifelong search for contentment in my body image. All through high school, I was the athlete with no boobs. I'm not sure I would call myself an "athlete" in college, as I didn't play any sports. Just ran a lot on my own... and did aerobics, sometimes in the same day (shannon... remember that??). So, still fit, but with no boobs. I spent all those years looking forward to being pregnant and "getting boobs." Because, that is why you have babies, right? So, yeah, it was a really great two years. I really enjoyed being pregnant. Getting a giant belly accompanied getting giant (for me) boobs. So, all's cool. Then, I gave birth to the giant baby and walked out of the birthing center retaining only 15 of my 36 pounds gained... and, you guessed it, huge boobs!!! Three months later, I was under my pre-pregnancy weight, eating like a cow (as any breastfeeding mother should), not exercising, and.... had huge boobs! Can you possibly imagine a better scenario. Sure, I was all marshmelloy, but who cares when you have... huge boobs! But... nobody warned me about what happens when you wean. Let me educate you. First, you start dropping feedings. You go from 5 to 4 to 3, etc. What people forget to tell you is that when you are no longer a lactating cow, you can no longer eat like a lactating cow! So, over the course of a few months, I went from 5-6 feedings per day to 1 and continued to eat the same amount and types of food. And, let's all guess what happened then... big fat belly returned and huge boobs were gone. I mean GONE. I think it is safe to say they are smaller than they were before I got pregnant. I really didn't think it would be possible. I did happen to read that in a pregnancy magazine while pregnant and thought, pshaw! that can't happen to me! How much smaller could they get?? Well, this must be the answer. And let me tell you, I am struggling. I'm struggling more with my body image now that at any other time in my life. Before when I had no boobs, I could at least point to that four pack (never did get six) and those steely legs and think, well, I have something to feel good about. I'm in shape. Now, well, I feel like I got nothin'. I know I need to get back into shape. I WANT to get back in shape. I'm one of those people that actually like to exercise. But time. Where does the time go? And, even if I get into shape, will this belly ever go away? I need to see some light at the end of this tunnel...

HP7

2007-07-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone else out there finish reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I finished in 2 nights of 6 hours each and I need to discuss!!

citizens of the commonwealth unite!

2007-07-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I was driving the length of the commonwealth of Pennsylvania on Monday morning, when I began to notice a peculiar pattern. The lovely turnpike which we contribute who knows how much tax money towards, plus costing $25+ per crossing to travel on, is riddled with "construction zones." I'm not necessarily upset about a construction zone. That's par for the course in a region where the ground thaws and freezes several times a month. What I found peculiar were the numerous FAKE construction zones. By this I mean miles and miles of road marked as "under construction, double fines enfourced" where NOTHING was going on. Nothing, I should say, except Staties giving out tickets. And, this on a day when the govenor had shut down "non essential" personnel because of lack of a passed budget. Apparently, it is ESSENTIAL to ticket people for trying to drive across the state in less than six hours. I find this to be a ridiculous infringement on my rights. For one, I think it is entrapment for creating work zones where no one is working. Two, I pay a lot of freakin' taxes to this state and I should be able to travel on the country's first major interstate at 70 MPH when I am returning from vacation and don't want to spend six hours in a car with my 15 month old. Three, it's just plain morally wrong. I think my other commonwealth residents should join with me in a rebellion against this latest "tax collecting" scheme of our lovely Govenor Rendell. Any takers?

And to think, I went 4 years without a television...

2007-06-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

An extremely rare event occured last night in our living room... I saw an episode of "Friends" which I had never seen before. Most of the time, I've seen whatever episode 2 or 3 times previously and know exactly what is going to happen. You may ask why I continue to watch a show I have already seen so many times. A fair question. My husband will frequently overhear the show as he's working on the computer and state with disgust, "I can't believe you watch that garbage." However, the answer is somewhat complex. For one, it is on at 8:00 (usually on some channel) and that is N.'s "witching hour." The hour I spend breastfeeding and trying to put an ornery one year old to bed. Seeing as that can take up to an hour, it's a nice distraction. But, you may ask, why not choose one of the many other new shows that are on at 8:00? Well, I really don't want to get emotionally involved in another show. Ever since CSI disappointed me, I've just not wanted to get "into" another show. And I'm still recovering from when Doug left ER. So, I'd just rather steer clear of another TV addiction. But, it's really more than that. Friends is like comfort food in the winter. Mashed potatoes, roast beef, chili, you know, it's THERE for you. Like that favorite novel that you turn to when you just need a quick fix of romance or fluff. (Anne of Green Gables series, anyone? Side note, I just finished reading "Rilla of Ingleside for the hundreth time.) My Friends are always there for me. I can ususally catch them somewhere anywhere between 7:00 and 10:00 pm. They're good friends. I can easily turn them on and turn them off.
However, tonight I am engaging in a repeat addiction... So You Think You Can Dance? See you on Fox.

On Sleep and single parenting

2007-06-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but I enjoy getting into bed when I'm tired, doing a little light reading and then, poof, I'm out. Sleep is a good thing. You wake up feeling so much better. So, what is it with kids? Why do they act as if sleep is the worst evil they could ever encounter and they fight to the death. Right now, Nadia is in her crib screaming her head off, and has been for 15 minutes. This, after I spent 30 minutes getting her to sleep. As soon as I attempt to dump her off into the torture chamber that happens to be a very comfortable bed, she freaks out. She's exhausted. She's been cranky and frustrating all day. GO TO SLEEP. I just don't get it.

In other news, I will complete my first week of single parenting later this evening when M. returns. It was a short one. Next week will be short as well, as I am flying out Thursday for his best friend's wedding in NJ. I have to tell you, it's kinda hard. And I work. Which is like a break. That sounds terrible, but I'm not exactly sure how you SAHM's handle kids all day, every day. I'm not exactly the biggest "kid person," so maybe that's part of it. But those days when she's cranky and clingy and can't do anything on her own? Good Lord. And this week, I didn't even have anyone to dump her on and take a break. And I've got 7 months like this. I am extremely fortunate to have all sorts of family near by to lend a hand. If it wasn't for that, I couldn't do this. Single parents have to be the most incredible people in the world...

Walking

2007-05-02T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. We have a walker on our hands. N. is absolutely no longer content to crawl or "quawk." If you're wondering was quawking is, I'll explain. Shortly after learning to crawl, N. started walking on her knees. It soon became her preferred mode of movement. Since it's between crawling and walking, my aunt coined the term quawking. But, literally, in a week, we went from a couple cautious steps to all out walking. It's really rather amazing that it happens that fast. And along with the walking has come 3 nasty spills. She's bloodied her lips twice and chipped a tooth! These are the times I would dearly love carpet.

On a separate note, this weekend my family, including parents and brother and sister and significant others, are headed up to the finger lakes for what's become an annual May tradition. We will be touring and tasting at the numerous wineries around the lake. My personal goal this year is to act like an almost 30 year old adult and not pass out by 5:00 pm. Because, um, no, that's never happened before...

Mourning

2007-04-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

I'm sure by now everyone has heard about the VA Tech shootings. I've found myself oddly mesmerized by this story. I want to know more and more. Why, why do such things happen in this world of ours? I was on my way to work this morning, and I have about 30 minutes of easy driving which I use to pray. I was thinking on this event and started praying, "Come, Lord Jesus, Come." Take us away. It's too much. This world is too terrible. I have a child now. This could some day happen to my child. It happend to 32 mother's children. I could not bear it. How can they bear it? And as I was asking God to come and take us away, rescue us, I heard something else. No. You are here for a reason. Your job is to make the world better, brighter, kinder. Love. You need to love. You need to show your love. Stop being so self absorbed. Stop being so inner focused. Share. Care. And my prayer changed. My prayer changed to Show me. Show me how to share. Help me care. People need our help. I'm so self absorbed, I forget to care. It's hard for me to share. Lord, help me help others.

Futility

2007-04-17T09:05:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that cleaning isn't my forte. I can't say that I hate it. And before, when questioned about my cleaning issues, I really didn't have a good answer for why I don't clean more often. Because, there really aren't too many things better than a clean, sparkly, good smelling home. But as I was vacuuming the other day, I think it dawned on me... I hate cleaning because it is an entirely futile exercise. The second I put the vacuum cleaner away, I could easily find hair all over the floor. The minute I dump out the mop water, some creature will walk across my white (white?? who makes a kitchen floor white??) kitchen floor and leave behind their footprints. Nothing lasts. Not even for a couple minutes. I believe if I could clean and have it look nice for a week, or even a couple days, I might not loathe it so much. But when your hard worked hours are ruined in minutes? What's the point?? It might as well just stay dirty. With two dogs, a cat, a baby and a neat-challenged husband, it's just too much of an up hill battle. I had come to terms with my dirt before N. arrived, but when she started crawling and rolling all over the floors, it was just gross. She's be covered in dog hair. Her knees and socks would be brown. So, lately I've been fighting the battle a little more intensely, and it's a little better, but I'm still not sure it's worth the effort. I can't wait until she starts walking so I can go back to my old ways...

Go Gators!

2007-04-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

Normally, I hate teams from Florida. They tend to represent everything that is wrong with collegiate athletics nowadays, where classes are a farce and the players get away with murder (almost literally.) But Monday night saw me rooting for the Gators? Why? Well, its the office poll, of course. This was my first year participating. I had refused the past 6 because, well, isn't that sort of gambling? I've never been one to toss money around with out care. For me parting with money is like parting with teeth... I fight it. Generosity has never been one of my strengths. And gambling is just like throwing money away. But the poll was only $5.00 and I thought it would make the tourney more interesting for me. I don't know if it was beginners luck, or what, but I ended up coming in second and scoring some cash. I beat the a lot of guys and I've been trying not to gloat. If you want to know how I did it, I'll tell you... in almost every case, I just chose the higher seeded team. I had a few upsets and was good going with Georgetown, but really, I rarely strayed from the higher seeds. And when it got to the championship, well, let's just say the only thing I hate worse than a Gator is a Buckeye...

Sleeping and Weaning

2007-03-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

This will fall under the category of parenting entries. I don't have categories set up because that would just be too much organization for me. A while back I had put up an entry about how N. was addicted to breastfeeding and was still sleeping with us. Well, we have made some progress in both of those arenas. I eliminated one of her five feedings a while ago, and elimated another one a couple weeks ago, so now we are on an early morning, before nap and before bed nursing routine. It's working pretty well for us, and I'm not sure when I will drop that middle feeding. I now only have to pump once at work during lunch, so I don't feel the need to rush out the last three feedings. M. wants me to be done nursing, though, and I'm not really sure why. N. is happy and I am happy to continue, so I don't know what the big rush is. Besides, it appears to be keeping other annoying monthly visitors away, and I'm more than happy for that to continue. What's the rush?? Anyone out there continue nursing well into the first year?
The sleep thing is just plain weird. One night, about 2 weeks ago, N. fell into a deep sleep after nursing and I put her in her crib and she slept most of the night. So, we just kept doing it. The fourth night, she ended up crying herself to sleep, but it only took about 10 minutes. Ever since, I try to put her down asleep, but she always wakes up, cries for a couple minutes and then goes to sleep. Which is fine, I guess, but she also wakes up several times throughout the night crying. I guess I would just like to find the secret to a baby who likes to sleep in their own bed. I would like to not have to feel badly that my precious baby is unhappy and crying in her bed. It just makes me sad. Does she know I'm right down the hall? Is she scared? Does she know where she is, etc? So, I guess you can say that in a way, we're tackling the sleep issue, but just not very happily...

On "The Will of God"

2007-03-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

I intended to shoot out an email to "the Nine" on the subject of "The Will of God." (please note, imagine hearing the phrase "The Will of God" in a deep southern old fat man's voice and you'll get my drift.) And, for those unfamiliar, "the Nine" being a group of wonderfully wise and lovely ladies that I attended college with.
So, that aside, this whole "will of God" thing is really driving me crazy lately. A lot of weird stuff has been going on in my life lately that's really caused me to be deeply frustrated by the concept of "the will of God" for our lives, our days, our minutes, our decisions, etc. I've seen some people very close to me believe that they are doing the will of God and to be twarted in every step. What does this mean? Does this mean it wasn't the will of God? Does that mean that they misunderstood what they believed to be the will of God? If you are a beleiver and you feel strongly that God has given you direction and that direction does not work out, how do you take that? How, then, do you ever trust yourself again to know whether you are hearing the voice of God showing you His will.
On top of this, why in the world does God make it so difficult to understand what His will for our lives is? And where did this concept come from anyway? Is it rooted in Scripture, or did we humans, in our incessant need to "know" the future, plan and prepare, just make up the whole concept. Because it seems to me that if were so important to be doing "the will of God," in your life, He wouldn't make it so difficult to discover.
Because, here I am on the brink of 30, possibly about 1/3 of my way through life, God-willing, (pun intended), and I really don't know what I'm "called" to do or what "God's will" is for my life. And as I see some older people struggling with this same concept at 50, I'm just frustrated by the whole issue.
I think the root of the question is how involved is God? This is similiar to an entry I read on Greg's blog about the weather and what not. Does God care about what shirt I choose in the morning? Probably not. Does he care if it rains or if there's sun? Not according to Greg. Does he care if I decide to move across the country? I honestly don't know. How involved is God in our daily decisions? How big does a choice have to be before you get the Creator of the World involved?
Thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated...

Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby!

2007-03-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

Please excuse the absence. I realize I haven't posted in a while. Life is just so busy... and to think I was harrassing Kate about her ever present Christmas tree...

Well, it's been a year. A full year. It's hard to imagine how quickly a year can go by when you're watching your child grow and blossom in front of you. I spent part of the day Sunday watching all the little snippets of movies I've taken of N. over the past year. I can't believe how small she was just a scant year ago. I can't believe how it took her months to figure out how to roll over, and now she's gone from pulling up to standing to crusing to almost walking in just a few weeks. It's like their ability to learn new things grows exponentially.

It's been a great first year. There were some ups and downs as we've gotten to know each other. Some hard times when I was working full time and didn't feel like I was being a mother at all. Some great times of watching her learn and cuddling with her and smelling her sweet baby breath. I really don't think there is anything better in life than a small little human asleep on your chest.

And of course, I think she's beautiful and smart and funny and talented. I mean, who isn't enamored with the way your own baby says, "ba ba ba ma da ba?" It's all gone so fast and I want to cherish every moment. It's hard to explain to anyone who isn't a parent how much love you can have for a little human.

So, my non Irish, St. Paddy's Day baby is One. Amazing.

Rant

2007-02-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty pissed at hotmail. I've had a hotmail account since college and after a while I used it mostly for "junk" email sign ups or other stuff I didn't really want in my "real" email box. I also used it to store various old emails that I wanted to keep, like cute love-emails from my pre-husband and other touching stuff people had sent me throughout the past 8 years or so. Granted, I hadn't been checking it all that frequently, but imagine my surprise when I sent a recent cute husband email there for safekeeping and it got rejected. ??eh?? So, I go to log in, and it lets me in, but tells me that there are now all these rules about how often I have to check it and what I can use it for, etc, AND all my old email was gone. Wiped clean. WTH? I feel like they could have at least sent me a couple warning emails or something. So, there you have it. My relationship with hotmail is over. My affair with deeeelite is over after 8 years. And fair warning for anyone else that may have a hotmail account... beware...

Happiness...is a warm breast.

2007-02-01T12:12:00.000-08:00

***Warning*** discussion of breasts and breastfeeding below.***
I have a child with a serious boob addiction. N. is working on 11 months old now and she is seriously committed to breastfeeding, especially as it relates to sleeping. I am having major sleep issues with her, and a lot of it surrounds her need to sleep with a boob in her mouth. She still sleeps with us every night because I'm too soft to let her scream in her crib for hours until she cries herself to sleep. You would think that sleeping right with mommy would be sufficient comfort, but no, a boob in the mouth is also necessary. If she wakes up in the middle of the night and !alas! no boob in her mouth, she starts crying and thrashing around. It has been over two weeks since she had boobs throughout the night and it is still a big deal to her. Everyone has told me that it only takes them 3 nights to get over these things, and she's still complaining strongly over 2 weeks later. I'm really at my wits end. The plan was to successfully wean her over night and then make the attempt to get her to sleep in her own bed, but we've just not been able to cross this hurdle yet. And, yes, I have tried the pacifier, but given the fact that she's never used them before, introducing them now is somewhat of a joke. I stick it in her mouth and she grabs it and looks at it and then at me with this incredulous look like, "you expect me to buy that? I know where the boobs are and this ain't attached to your body." It got so bad the other night that she started trying to suck on my nose or chin.
And I expected to wean around a year old! I'm really not sure what I'm going to do about this, but we really need to find some solutions because our sleep is just getting more and more disrupted. Suggestions???

Christmas

2007-01-18T07:09:00.000-08:00

Christma
s in review Ahh. It's January 2nd. Back to the rhthym and routine. Back to the diets and the resolutions and the commitments. It feels good to be back. The craziness of Christmas is a wonderful time, and we really enjoyed our first Christmas as parents. N. was too young to really grasp much this Christmas. Her favorite presents being the paper they were wrapped in, scotch tape covered in dog hair, and, of course, the boxes. But it was a fun time. I was impressed that my mother did not go crazy with the gifts. N. got a big chest for her toys, some books, a Care*Bear, and one battery powered alphabet toy. I really want to stay away from the battery operated toys. I think they ruin kid's imaginations. I have proclaimed this heartily to everyone, but just like the sugar and the salt, I guess Grandma's just do what they want. At least its a learning toy, I guess.New Year's weekend was very understated and relaxed compared to Christmas. We stayed home. We loved it. We watched some football that was on REGULAR TV, watched some DVD's (we're now huge American Chopper fans...) and just generally vegged out. It was very relaxing.And now, it is 2007. Every year I feel this way. Ready for a fresh, new year. 2006 held the promise of a baby, and in so much, it was a year to remember forever. But 2006 was also a year of turmoil and confusion and adjustments. I don't feel that way about 2007. I'm sure this new, fresh year will have it's share of trials and tribulations, but I feel good about where I'm headed, what my/our goals are, our plans and our hopes and our dreams. Resolutions have been set, goals have been made. It's good. I know a lot of people are down on resolutions. It's setting yourself up for failure. And it's true. I probably will not floss my teeth every night. But if I don't commit to it, it will most certainly never happen. And that's just the way this life is. You try and your fail sometimes, but does that mean you should have never tried?

It's my right

2006-12-26T12:27:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of talk in this great country of ours about our rights. We have the right of free speech and the right to religious freedom, etc. There are those who take these "rights" out of context and abuse them and claim as "rights" things that are not what was intended. However, I do think that as an American, I should have the RIGHT to watch NFL football on regular TV. I am becoming progressively more irritated at the NFL infringing on my right to view games that are not played on Sunday. According to the Constitution or the Declaration of Independance (I believe it is that latter! I am showing my ignorance. GCC would not be proud.), I have the right to the pursuit of happiness. That pursuit involves being able to watch as many football games as possible between the months of August and January. I am very perturbed that as a "standard" cable customer, I now cannot watch Monday Night Football. On top of that, I am no where close to being able to watch the NFL Network games, which require satellite cable. What is up with this?? Why should I be forced to shell out at least a hundred bucks a month just to watch what is REALLY the national sport. In my mind, it overtook baseball a long time ago. An entirely separate issue. But, we middle class football lovers need to unite and let the NFL know that this is not acceptable! They are infinging on our right to watch football. Class action lawsuit, anyone?

9 months

2006-12-15T13:04:00.000-08:00

Nadia is officially crawling. She was doing the army crawl right 2 days before her 9 month birthday, and then suddenly, she could just do it. She was all over the house on Sunday while i was trying to watch the Steeler game. She babbles a lot and loves to say "da da da da" over and over. I really thought she was going to say "dog" the other day, but just more "da da." She still sleeps with us, which is a major issue that I'm determined to fix over Christmas break. She still nurses throughout the night, as well. I wish she would eat more other food, but she seems really content to stick with the boob juice. Most other food gets met with a slap off the highchair or slapping the spoon away. She's also started this super cute squinched up smily face. I can't wait to get a picture. It's like she knows she's super cute when she does this.
There's been some talk on some other mommy blogs I read about how much to get your kid for Christmas. M. and I need to have more conversation about this probably next year. I think I'd like to keep it somewhat simple. These year, we got her a wooden activity box thingy and some desparately needed new clothes. That's it. I was just over at my mom's yesterday while my mom made her Christmas stocking. All of our stockings have been homemade, so I wanted Nadia's to be too. Hope my mom appreciates the sentiment, since I don't know the first thing about a sewing machine...

Lawn Ornaments

2006-12-15T08:45:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one that gets weirded out by the giant ballon lawn ornaments that are all the craze these days? I mean, they look somewhat okay at night when they're all blown up and grinning at you... That is if you happen to like giant polar bears, santa's, snowmen, etc. staring you down from the sides of the road. However, the part that really freaks me out is the morning drive to work. It's like a Wizard of Oz witch killing every morning. These sad puddles of melted plastic Christmas characters lay in blobs on everyone's lawns. It's depressing. Worse yet are the blow up ones that stay inflated, but that people can't manage to stake down properly. They end up lopsided or crooked or with their heads down, like someone drove by with a machine gun. Ugh. I just hate them. Can you not make due with some lights and a couple wreaths?

Tagged - Christmas Getting to Know You

2006-12-14T06:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends!
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate - made with real milk. I am really not sure if I've ever had Egg Nog though. Just sounds gross.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? This is our first year worrying about Santa. Growing up, it depended on how big the gift was. Bikes and what not did not get wrapped.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? Colored on tree, white on house
4. Do you hang mistletoe? No... where do you even get Mistletoe?
5. When do you put your decorations up? Ack! I'm terrible. They're still not up. I'd say I average mid-December. I'm just too darn lazy.
6. Favorite dish? We love Christmas brunch. My mom almost canceled this year because of N. and I freaked out.
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child. All the kids sleeping in the same room so we could attack the stash together in the morning.
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I always knew. Rumor is one of my older cousins told me. I just remember "pretending" for my little sister.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes, with my extended family that celebrates on Christmas Eve
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? Odd assortment of ornaments from all over the place. A total hodgepodge and I love it that way.
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Hmm, I like the first snow of the year, but after that, I'm over it. It's just too much of a pain.
12. Can you ice skate? Yes, but haven't gone in years.
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? M. got me a camera a couple years ago that really got me more interested in taking pictures.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Family and food
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Chocolate Chip Cookies
16. What tops your tree? Usually an Angel. Not anything specific or traditional
17. What is your favorite Christmas Song? O Holy Night, Hark how the bells (don't know if that's the actual title) and Handel's Messiah- Halalujah Chorus
18. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? Yum, I guess. Not a real big fan though...

Thanksgiving

2006-11-28T08:58:00.000-08:00

We had a very relaxing and low key Thanksgiving and following weekend. N. and I spent most of the day Thursday at my mom's helping to prepare the meal and hanging out with family. M. came over before dinner and it was just the 7 of us. We ate kind of late because my brother had football practice... hey, nothing is more important than D1 football, right? N. had sweet potatoes, white potatoes, a few lima beans, and 3 itty bitty pieces of turkey. She enjoyed her first Thanksgiving dinner. My mom even gave her some apple pie later on.
We had plans to go over to my aunt's later for a more extended family get together, but it just got so late so fast that we ended up just staying at my mom's. It was good for N. to spend that much time with my mom. It hurts my mom's feelings when N. cries when she tries to hold her, but it's just mostly because N's not familiar enough with her.
Friday, we went out to breakfast and then to the Strip to get food to make for M's mom. She came over around 3 and hung out with N. while I made dinner. I didn't like the idea of making Thanksgiving dinner all over again, so we had salmon, asparagas with hollandaise sauce and rice. Do you know how fattening that sauce is? A whole stick of butter and 3 egg yolks does not a skinny person make.
The rest of the weekend we just did random stuff. We did get some chores done, but mostly just relaxed and watched football, etc. Since the Steelers were playing so terribly on Sunday, M. and I went out for a bike ride and then met up with my parents and N. later.
While I wish that we might have gotten a few more work-type things done, it was nice to just bum around and do whatever.

Summation

2006-11-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to get on here and address some things - inappropriate laughter and Halloween for sure.
Our Halloween was a bust. Nadia had a very high fever, and she's so little that we didn't even consider trick or treating. She didn't actually even put her bunny costume on for a picture because I just felt so bad for her that I didn't want to torture her any more than necessary. With the medicine and the nose sucking, it just didn't seem fair to add "stuffing into costume."
On the topic of inappropriate laughter, brought up by Megan, I also suffer terribly from this. Any time someone gets hurt (not too badly) or just any awkward moment is happening, my initial response is to just start to giggle. Sometimes, it can be very inappropriate, especially if someone is in pain and I'm laughing away!! My sister and I both suffer from this problem and have discussed it a few time about how uncontrollable it is. Does everyone have this problem, or is it just Megan, me and my sister?? :)

Seven Months

2006-10-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

I guess if I'm going to claim this is a mommy blog, I should occasionally write about the little person who gave me that title. Today N. is seven months old. As in closer to 1 than to 0. I can't believe how fast the time is going. She's a beautiful, busy baby right now. She still has six teeth. I believe there may be more on the way, but it's hard to get in there and look around without risking bodily injury. She prefers to be on her belly, so changing her diaper and bath time have become something similiar to a WWF match. She can roll and scoot around to reach for things that she wants and she is STRONG. It's weird to me that those little baby arms and fingers could be that strong. She repeats sounds now... va,va,va,va is her favorite. I keep trying to get her to do mama or dada, but no luck yet. She loves hair. If there's a dog or a cat or a human around, she is going after that hair. And she loud. And still growling. It's the most adorable thing you ever heard when she starts growling. We think she may be copying the dogs, but we're not sure. She eats breastmilk, some formula, various cereals, yams, squash, eggplant, avacado, bananas, green beans, black beans and carrots. Next on the list to try is applesauce. Almost everything she's had so far I made in the food processor or blender. My mom bought her one container of baby food. She still does not really sleep through the night, though I think this is partially my fault. When she wakes up, I just bring her into bed with us and then she tends to want the boobies. I'm trying to work on this, but it's hard when you're working to worry about getting the baby to sleep in her own bed. I just want us all to sleep, period. Other than that, she's in 12 mo. clothes and seems to be thriving. I'll try to attach a picture in here...

Baltimore

2006-10-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

M. and I went to Baltimore this weekend sans baby. I came back with not a single picture, but it is one of the prettiest cities I have ever been to. The inner harbor area is super cool and going places in a water taxi is pretty darn nifty. We went down to see Maceo Parker play. (Jazzy Funk) and check out some of the local brew pubs. It was a very fun trip, though by Sunday morning I was really missing my girl. If you ever get a chance, though, it's a great city to spend a weekend.

in which i don't complain

2006-09-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to have a new perspective. It's called, "why not me." I heard a powerful sermon last Sunday, and it's really helped me get through this week. Hopefully, it will be a lesson I learn for life, but it's so easy to fall back into old habits. The premise of the message is that we should be asking "Why NOT me?" instead of "Why me?" I have a lot going on right now... I have a rental house where both tenants are moving out, I have two vehicles that I need to sell and not a bite on either (one of which M. recently drove into a piece of construction equipment and now needs $1000 work of work), my basement is a laboratory for mold, and the whole work issue. I could complain; I could wallow; I could ask, "why me?" I could be a whiner. Instead, our pastor encouraged us to recognize that we know our final destination, so life's little bumps can we dealt with because we know the end of the story. It definitely hit a chord for me.

Correction

2006-09-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

The correct lyric mentioned in my previous post is:
"This American dream may be poisonous."

Trapped in a glass tower

2006-09-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of women complain about being trapped under a glass ceiling. And it's definitely true. Women are still underpaid. And I would argue that they are underpaid, despite working harder than most of their higher paid male counterparts. Apparently, there's just something about having a penis. But that is a discussion for another time.
What I'm frustrated with is being trapped in this glass tower. I mentioned before that I'm working full time and hating it. But what I hate more is this American culture that makes Materialism the highest religion and sucks you in despite your true convictions. I grew up in a home where we struggled to make ends meet on occasion and did without a lot of "things," but my mother was always there for us. She came to all of our recitals or sporting events and usually remembered to pick us up from various practices. We always ate a full family dinner, complete with salad, every night. I never did a load of laundry until I went to college. Now, she didn't do everything for us, we were responsible for cleaning our own rooms and various other duties around the house, but my mom was just always there for us. Growing up, I always knew that I would want to stay home with my kids, at least until they went to school.
So... what happened? Why am I sitting at this desk, in this nice office, attached to a breast pump, writing gobbly gook on the internet, looking out of my glass tower window, when I would much rather be at home, breastfeeding and being a mom?? There are many excuses I could make... N. wasn't exactly planned, we've had some plain bad luck, my husband is addicted to buying and selling cars, etc. But the bottom line is that we got ourselves into an impossible financial position. Granted, we're working on getting out, but I look back and wonder what the heck we were thinking with some of our decisions. I know hind sight is 20/20, but seriously, the pull of this materialist culture is STRONG. You have to guard against it so carefully. It's so easy to look around and see what other people have and develop a "need" complex. I NEED an SUV, I NEED a nice house, I NEED cable TV, I NEED cell phones, I NEED to go out to eat once or twice a week, the list could go on and on.
And then you think and you pray and you remember what people in third world countries survive on and you realize you need to slap yourself upside the head for being so ungrateful. We are so blessed in the country. It's just that mixed in with the blessing is a bit of a curse, if you don't keep on yourself. It reminds me of another of my favorite lyrics from an Over the Rhine song, "This American dream can be dangerous." It's so dangerous, I have to sit in this glass tower just to pay for it.

Confessions...

2006-09-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

Well, Mego has inspired me, so here we go:
1)My house is covered in animal hair. Right after I vacuum, there is still animal hair lurking aound my house. Depending when in the vacuum cycle you step into my house will determine whether or not you see giant piles of animal hair collecting in the corners. For a couple weeks, our vacuum was broken and M. and I were using a broom to sweep out the house (all hard wood) and we would describe the amount of hair we swept by saying things like, "I swept a racoon out of the house," or "I swept two squirrels and a chipmunk out of the house."
2) I watch Sex in the City on TBS. I'm not sure I could have handled the HBO version, but I enjoy the "cleaned-up" version. Along these lines, I also watch way too many reruns of Friends episodes, many of which I have already seen multiple times.
3) I enjoy alcohol. Wine and beer. And sometimes I get carried away.
4) We don't go to church EVERY Sunday. Most Sunday's, but not all, and not always for good reasons.
5) I don't bathe my six month old daughter every day. More like every other day and when there is a giant poop explosion.
6) I let the dogs lick excess cereal, spit up, etc. off of my daughter's face and hands.
7) I am freakishly afraid of spiders. Once I screamed so loud, my throat hurt for days.
8) I swear on occasion, typically related to confession number 3... when the guard is down, it is DOWN.
9) I am way too self absorbed. I need to care more about other people.
10) My libido has completely changed since the baby. Now, he's begging me, instead of the other way around!

Attack of the killer mold

2006-09-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

Mold is foul. It smells bad, makes my allergies go crazy, and just plain creeps me out. Apparently, word has spread among the spores that I'm a weak one and they all decided to attack. It begins with my basement. We started working on finishing part of the basement when I thought my MIL was going to be staying with us indefinitely. We only have 2 bedrooms and with a baby on the way, we needed more space. After getting the drywall up, we had a huge rainstorm, and, you got it, the basement leaked. It had leaked before in another area, but we fixed that problem. Now, it seemed like we created another one by putting tons of screws in the concrete to hold up the drywall. Well, you know how mold works. The drywall got wet and within a couple weeks, a spot of mold appeared. I knew that it would only be a matter of time, but now, a large corner of our basement is black with disgusting mold that makes me sneeze everytime I go down there.
Next, we went on the reunion with my friends from college and we had a basement room that reeked of mold. It was all over the exterior walls and trim. Sleeping near mold freaked me out even more.
Next, I opened a cleaned bottle of N's to find the lid totally corroded with mold!! How does that happen?? I threw it away. Not taking any chances there.
Next, I went to open the floss because I had eaten corn on the cob, and mold was growing inside the floss box! Granted, I don't floss all that often, but come on! That's weird!
Then, the final topper... I pulled out my breast pump Monday to pump at work and there was mold growing INSIDE THE SUCTION TUBES! I know only nice, Christian ladies read my website, so I won't write out what was going on in my head when I made this latest discovery. It was quite profane. Seriously, I know moisture collects inside the tubes, but mold?? What is going on here? I'll take any comments or suggestions!

Introductions...

2006-09-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

So, I said a while back that I was going to do an introductory entry. I had actually already created one, but somehow lost it. I think it's just easier to put out some bullet points, so here we go:

Family: Married, One Girl Child, Three Hairy Children
Religion: Christian - going for the Blue Like Jazz Christian and not the Pat Robertson Christian
Hobbies: Exercise - though currently on hiatis, Reading, Road tripping, Camping
Work Status: currently working full time and hating every minute.
Granola Status: I'd put myself pretty close to the granola side, though I am not completely militant about it, like many can get. But just to give you a feel - I had an unmedicated birth with midwives, I intend to breastfeed through the first year, I plan on making my own babyfood, and I do demand feeding and cosleeping. However, I do work, though not because I want to, I do use disposable diapers, went with the regular vaccination schedule and I buy all the regular baby stuff from regular stores. If I had a million dollars, I would be a lot more granola, but organic everything is expensive!! So anyway, after reviewing all that, maybe I'm just more in the middle.

This whole topic is very interesting to me because over the years I have read many online diaries/blogs about babies and parenting and pregnancy, etc. and everyone has an opinion on these issues. Obviously, you have to have an opinion or you wouldn't be raising your child that way. But what I find somewhat amusing is that in our PC culture, it's basically illegal to be passionate about your views on these matters. I just think that it's silly. We have to be adults and recognize that there are different ways of doing things and that whichever way a person chooses, they are going to be passionate about that. A recent example showed up at our college reunion. I hope the two involved won't mind me using them as an example... But my one friend, K., has a young baby that is very scheduled, to the point that she wakes him up when his allotted nap time is over. My other friend, E., and actually myself as well, were surprised by this because we're in the child-led camp and neither of us would ever wake a sleeping baby. We all joked around about it, but you could tell that all of us thought our way was right. But that's just the way it is. And I guess what I'm getting all long winded about is that while we obviously have to respect other people's choices, we also need to realize that everyone is passionate about their choices and believes their way is right. I, personally, try to listen to others views and be open to how they approach situations, but there are definitely issues where I know I'm right and I'm stickin' to it! :)

Tagged - Books

2006-08-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

Megan tagged me on the books. In light of being different, I'll leave The Bible out of my answers, but its definitely the most important book in my life. So, here we go:
1. One book that changed your life: Blue Like Jazz - still working on the life changing part, but it has the power to.
2. One book that you’ve read more than once - Like Megan, I read tons of books over and over again. The one I almost have memorized is "Love Comes Softly."
3. One book you’d want on a desert island - This might be cheating, but I'll say the Lord of the Rings books.
4. One book that made you laugh - "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris
5. One book that made you cry - "The Notebook" can't remember the author
6. One book that you wish had been written - Anne of Green Gables - it just evokes such a happy, innocent beauty about life.
7. One book that you wish had never been written - Anything by Steven King
8. One book you’re currently reading - I last read Johnny Cash's autobiography
9. One book you’ve been meaning to read - I'll take recommendations
10. Now tag five people: no thanks! :)

Reunited... and it feels so good!

2006-08-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was full of reunions. Friday night I spent several hours with friends from high school. It was our ten year reunion. I haven't seen some of those people since high school; others I haven't seen in a couple years. Lots of people haven't changed at all and lots of people have changed a lot!
Saturday and Sunday I met up with my annual college reunion already in progress. I was bummed out to have missed Friday night with them, but it was good to see everyone. I really can't believe how much the kids change from year to year. It really makes me want to enjoy and remember every day with N. because I know the time will go so fast and before I know it, she'll be a toddler.
One of the great things about getting together with my college friends, most of which have kids of their own, is to see different parenting styles up close. I've admired my friends' parenting styles that I've gotten to witness over the years, and I hope to emulate a lot of them. But what I find most interesting is that despite varying parenting styles, all the kids are pretty darn good. I have some crazy kids in my extended family to compare to, so I do know that these kids are well behaved and respectful. As N. gets older and actually requires parenting as opposed to just care-giving, M. and I need to spend some more time figuring out what approach we're going to take. Spending this weekend with people that I know have similiar beliefs and desires for their children gave us a lot of food for foder. This may sound silly, but I know from reading about training dogs that consistancy is one of the most important aspects of parenting. I think its because a lot of parents are lazy that consistancy is not followed through. So, I hope that when the time comes, I'll be an active parent that follows through, because they will never forget that one time I give in...

About the Links

2006-08-24T09:38:00.000-07:00

The links to the right are the blogs that I read daily (and check mulitple times daily). Most of these ladies I followed from the iparenting diaries several years back. I've been reading most of them for about 5 years or so now. However, I never comment on their boards because I'm just sort of shy like that. I have a few more to add. All of them are moms, so if you like the mommy blogs, feel free to read up. There's a lot of good, informative writing there.

So, you think you can dance...

2006-08-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I really withstood the temptation to get into reality TV. I've probably seen small portions of Survivor, American Idol, etc at various times, but I've never been the one to walk into work and exclaim, "I can't believe they kicked off _________!!" For the most part, I'd overhear these conversations and roll my eyes. Alas, one bit me. I love "So You Think You Can Dance." And I was bummed out when Benji won. I was all for Travis or Heidi. All three of them were definitely good dancers, but I just found Travis and Heidi a lot more fun to watch. Apparently, America disagreed with me. And, no, I did not vote. I will never vote. That would just be admitting too much interest in a "reality TV show" than I could manage...

Sickness in Summer

2006-08-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know... viruses don't know what season it is. However, it just seems so odd to have a "cold" in the middle of summer. My almost 5 month old daugher (N) picked up a cold at day care* and promptly infected the rest of the family. My husband (M) took the worst of it, missing 1 1/2 days of work and coughing his lungs up periodially for 4 days. N had it a stuffy nose and the cutest little baby cough you ever did hear. I felt so bad that she was sick, but that cough was just adorable. I just had a touch of sore throat and runny nose.
On other health news, N. just cut her fourth tooth! I almost cried when I saw those teeth coming in. She's growing so fast. I want to savor these baby days.
I was super excited this morning to put on a pair of dress pants that hadn't fit since pre-pregnancy. They're my favorite pants ever, and I was bummed that at 3 months post partum, a lot of my clothes still didn't fit, despite the fact that I was within 5 pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. All my friends/family told me it would just take a little more time. I am now a couple pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight (thanks to a nasty intestinal virus a couple weeks back) and more and more of my clothes are fitting. This is definitely a relief to me because I definitely want to get back into good shape. One question though, does the belly button ever look the same again?? :)

*The fact that my daughter is in daycare is a long story. One I hope to get to shortly. A couple days ago I had written a long introductory entry and somehow lost it, since I'm not that familiar with this site yet... we'll get there.

About the name...

2006-08-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

Megan asked me how I came up with the name of my blog, and since I'm pretty sure she's the only one reading right now, I'll be sure to explain it right away.
I am a huge fan of Over the Rhine. My husband and I have been to countless shows and we buy every CD as soon as it comes out. I have several favorite songs by them, but this one line always stuck out to me: "It's only me in this flimsy dress." It's from this song:

Show Me
words and music: Bergquist/Detweiler
recording: OHIO

I've lost the words
It ain't my way
Takes some a breath
What takes me twenty-five years to say
Baby you're my favorite rolling stone
Elvis left the building
I have never been so alone

Come on and show me how it feels
Come on and show me how it feels
Can we make it last can we make it real
Come on and show me how it feels

It's only me in this flimsy dress
I could spread this love from the east to the west
The bed is made the world's a mess
Maybe we've got it backwards
Maybe we should just care less

I close my eyes I see your face
Every inch of your skin I begin to retrace
Let me be the voice inside your head
Listen to me whisper
We can sleep when we're dead

We can sleep when we're dead was another phrase I was considering, but I actually really like to sleep, so that wouldn't be exactly fitting. However, I do feel like "It's only me in this flimsy dress" is a little more descriptive of me. I'm a low key, somewhat vulnerable person. I try to be myself and sort of lay it all out there; be transparent. And since the whole idea about writing a blog is to let the world read about your life, it seemed apropos.

By the way, if you're interested in more about Over the Rhine, visit their website: www.overtherhine.com

2006-08-11T05:22:00.000-07:00

starters

2006-08-10T13:48:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Entering the blog world. I've been reading them for years, so I figured I might as well join the fray. So, hello, big world...

Erin

It's only me in this flimsy dress

So long, good bye.

Santa, Baby!

Healed and ONE!

Razor's Edge

Vegas - A bust

Vegas, baby!

11 months

Three

Anniversary Trip - Day 4 - The end

Day Three

Day Two

Anniversary Trip Recap

10 years... and counting

Night weaning

Too many balls in the air? Or Airhead?

So, people die?

Death of a pump

DWTS/SYTYCD

i promise

Really?

Valentine's Day, Birthdays, "Days" in general

Other Post Christmas thoughts...

Death of Christmas

Sharing Christmas

Back in the saddle

Giant

DWTS

couch potato

Slowly

A birth story

Is it or isn't it?

Still Cookin'

Rotten or over-ripe

Ripe

Not enough wine for the whine

Baby Poll

34 weeks

SYTYCD

Highway Driving Survey

Gardening

Much anticipated; much disappointed

OTR finally!

Leaving it hanging

Introductions are in order

What kind of mom are you?

potty training update

Poop in the potty, poop goes in the potty

Disappointed

Can it be?

Stoked

Emergency Response

DWTS

Domestic

On Blogging

Reflections on 30

In an attempt for Christmas redemption

Christmas

Together again

My Rocky Relationship with Christian Music

Eighteen Months

Weird Pet Peeves

Autumn upon us

SYTYCD - THE END

Body Image Woes

HP7

citizens of the commonwealth unite!

And to think, I went 4 years without a television...

On Sleep and single parenting

Walking

Mourning

Futility

Go Gators!

Sleeping and Weaning

On "The Will of God"

Happy, Happy Birthday, Baby!

Rant

Happiness...is a warm breast.

Christmas

It's my right